Good Advice

So do you remember a few months ago when I recommended the blog called I Could Kill Her? And then they went on hiatus, like, immediately afterward? Well, the ladies in charge of that blog now do an advice column blog called Miss In Your Business. Not surprisingly, they give the best advice of all time. Here are my favorites from the past few months:


Dear Elaine and Sarah,

I love to watch trashy reality TV (“Rock of Love,” “Mommas Boys” and “Real Housewives of Orange County” are my current favorites). The trashier the better. Watching these ridiculous programs allows me to unwind and forget about life’s stresses.

My best friend is one of those people who doesn’t own a TV (I know how you feel about this type of individual, but otherwise she’s a really cool chick). She has a million hobbies and doesn’t find television interesting.

Lately she’s been giving me a lot of shit about my “habit.” At first she would just tease me a little (we both went to Ivy League schools and have graduate degrees). But lately it’s become annoying.

Their advice?

Excerpt:

The next time your friend brings it up, say this: “Why do you care what I do with my free time?”

She will say something like, “I’m just giving you shit. Don’t get defensive.”

You should then say, “I’m not defensive. But given how frequently you talk about my hobby, I’m starting to think there’s a bigger issue here and frankly, I’m getting tired of it.”

To which she will say, “I didn’t realize you were so sensitive. God. Excuse me for trying to be funny.”

To which you should say, “I’m not sensitive and if it was funny, it would be fine, but it’s not funny. It’s annoying and you try to embarrass me by telling everyone how dumb it is that I enjoy these shows.” Get over yourself. I think the African tribal dance class you take at the community center with all the other poser white chicks is retarded but hey, it’s something you enjoy, so who am I to judge?” (Even if she doesn’t do African tribal dance, I’m SURE she does some kind of self-empowerment/diversity/women’s class on a regular basis that you can make fun of.)

Guaranteed, you’ll shut her down and that will be the end of that.

This one is my favorite:

Miss In Your Business,

My girlfriend of three years loves all things celebrity. At first I thought this was cute—her subscriptions to People, US Weekly and Vanity Fair; her devastation over the Brad/Jen breakup (she cried for days), and her five-day self imposed mourning period when Heath Ledger died.

Now I find it annoying and embarrassing. I work in academia – my colleagues are PhDs and scientists. That last few work functions we’ve attended have been downright uncomfortable. I feel like my GF has nothing else to contribute to conversations.

Should I cut my losses and dump her?

Abe

Abe,

Joint answer tonight - Sarah has a date with a mime – she keeps referring to him as a thought-provoking “performance artist.” Basically the dude makes his living miming at various hippy festivals throughout Oregon and Washington – you do the math. And I have a date with Hugh Jackman and a brie/bread/apple plate.

And, we both agree, so why not do this together.

We know girls like your GF. And we, too, think it’s cute at first; and then it quickly gets annoying. Our concern is that she’s unhappy with the day-to-day events of her life so she’s getting sucked into the “glamorous” lives of entertainers.

Recently we’ve had a lot of discussions about the general mundaneness of life. To summarize, once you hit a certain age, life is mundane. It’s semi Ground-Hog Day-ish. You do the same shit over and over again and it’s easy to lose yourself in the idea of a life so different – a life like Brad’s or Jen’s or that crazy mofo, Joaquin Phoenix.

But really, after three years you’re willing to “cut your losses” because your girlfriend spends too much time reading about famous people? Show some compassion. Maybe she’s unhappy. Maybe you are so boring in your “academia” that she’s forced to find something more interesting.

Talk to her. And don’t judge. Tell her that her “hobby” has become increasingly obsessive and you’re concerned she’s unhappy. Whatever you do DON’T TELL HER THAT YOU’RE EMBARRASED BY HER WHEN SHE’S WITH YOUR BIG-BRAIN FRIENDS.

And maybe she should dump you, Abe – you sound dumb.

One that made me think I was hearing myself:

Dear Elaine,

(Sorry, Sarah, but asking you for help on this one is like asking a priest for advice on spicing up my sex life.)

My boyfriend plays poker a few times a month with a regular group of guys. I love playing cards and am actually quite good at it; and I want in on the game.

Whenever I mention that I’d like to play, my boyfriend makes up some lame excuse as to why I can’t come (“We have a full house,” “We’ve stopped inviting new people because Dave’s coworker was a colossal ass who spent the whole night trying to convince us to go in on a hooker,” etc.).

I’m starting to get pissed. I kick ass at Texas Hold Em and I think a regular card game would be so much fun. Should I press the issue? My boyfriend and I rarely fight and I’d hate for this to be the thing that causes a major blow up, but I’m getting tired of the excuses.

Bev

Bev,

Really? You don’t understand why your boyfriend doesn’t want you to spend an evening with a group of GUYS playing CARDS? You’re perplexed, Bev? You can’t figure it out, Bev? Are you twelve, Bev?

Your boyfriend simply doesn’t want you to there, and you need to get over it.

Your mad card playing skills are irrelevant.

His regular poker nights are times for him to hang out with his boys. Not only does he not want you to come, the rest of the guys would be SUPER PISSED if you showed up.

How do you not know this? People need time away from their partners – and it’s nothing that should offend you. Can you honestly tell me that you haven’t wondered why these games are comprised only of men? Do you really think it’s a coincidence? Well it’s not. They don’t want you there. They don’t want Angelina Jolie there. They want to have some bro time. Stay out of it.

If you love playing cards, start a card game. This is 2009, and plenty of women know how to play poker. I’m sure some of your friends would love the idea of a girls’ poker night.

Stop hounding your boyfriend.

As for your boyfriend, I’m a little concerned that he’s too big of a pussy to tell you that he doesn’t want you there. Why the excuses? What’s going on in your relationship? How is the communication?

‘Cause I’ll tell you this, if I told Nathan I wanted in on his poker game…once he stopped laughing his ass off, he would tell me, “There’s no way you’re coming to my poker game. If you want to play poker with me, I’m happy to play with you at home.”

Your boyfriend needs to man up and you need to realize that spending time apart is a wonderful part of any successful relationship.

So go check it out. Put it on your RSS feed.