You Never Expect the Spanish Inquisition

True Blood Season 4 (So Far)  Review

You know, I had high hopes for season 4. It's the season of AmnesiaEric! Of werepanther Jason! Of Witchy Witches who are weres hopped up on vampire blood.

Yeah, well.

TV Amnesia Eric seems really lame. His vulnerability is child-like, whereas book Eric was introspective, scared sometimes, and yet still very manly. And the outfit. THE OUTFIT. Dear lord. How Sookie falls in love with this version of Eric I do not know. But Eric's essential superiority complex is totally gone. In the book he was a kind of combo, but here he seems totally defanged. It's not sexy. The speech he gave to Bill tonight about how he'd gladly go to his death and he hopes Sookie and Bill find a way back to each other? Blech. I hope when he gets his memories back and realizes how totally embarrassing he is to vampires everywhere, he feels what I'm feeling right now.

Also unsexy? Rotting Pam. A Pam who sold Eric out to Bill fucking Compton. Even as king, Pam would lie through her teeth and send Bill on a wild goose chase. I am thoroughly disappointed. 

Shifters
Alcide, Debbie, Luna, Tommy, new werewolf Alpha asshole who totally is going to end up being Luna's ex and thus a pain in Sam Merlotte's ass? Not as into it as I thought I'd be. I kind of don't even want to talk about the werepanthers. What happened to Jason is horrifying. And I will never unsee the woman who cried after raping him because sex with her "brother-husband" was so much worse.

Arlene and Terry's Haunted Baby

Ok so is the baby magical? Is he haunted by Rene or by some other random ghost? If he's haunted by some other random ghost, why does the ghost know how to fuck with Arlene and Terry regarding said Rene awfulness? And how does it manage to mess with Arlene's eye and light fires and write on walls? These are the questions I have because I totally gave up on the shifter storylines and what I'm left with is the haunted baby.

Oh, but there's the witches!


Marnie/Antonia

I love the actress who is playing Marnie. She really was able to become Eddie the vampire in the first episode, and she seems to have conveyed the depth and complicated nature of loneliness and absence of faith. Her surprise and anger over being dangerous to Sookie in the palm reading scene was amazing to watch.

Alright,  so the Inquisition wasn't really based on human fears but vampire fears? Of witches who were necromancers? And so via their already entrenched operatives in the Vatican, vampires took on witches and pissed one off so bad that she is returning to take vengeance hundreds of years later?

I like it, kind of.

I mean, she's got some totally justifiable beef. That rapist vampire? Any vampire old enough could also totally be a rapist. They can glamour. I'm telling you, this mythos is leading towards old-vampires-are-probably-rapists territory. It makes too much historical sense! Anyway, I'm interested in where this is going. And I hope most of it happens at night because the daytime scenes of fantastical creatures seem very Xena: Warrior Princess to me. And that show is a favorite of mine, but not because of production values.

Brujeria

The Mexican witchcraft story is just taking off. I hope it does cool things. The pregnant lady is really freaking me out. What's she carrying?! Is it.....SATAN?!

Random Complaints

Maybe I'm in a really weird mood or something, but I was bummed on the Eric/Sookie sex scene in the woods.  Not only is that not in keeping with the frustrated shower scene in the book, but it also seems kind of...ill advised..to get completely naked in a forest full of shifters during a full moon. One of whom may be your brother. Who you were looking for and were really concerned about. At least this time she was wearing short shorts and a hoodie and had a shot gun to go traipsing through the woods instead of a sundress.


Great things about this episode (besides Marnie/Antonia):

Bill is still Bill underneath that black leather blazer. And his loooove for Sookeh trumps his new kingship. Aww, Bill. Will he ever grow a pair? I don't know if I really want him to.

No fairies! They will make their return, because it seems like the Antonia storyline is hitting the fan soon, which means the big bad will reveal itself at the end of the season, and I'm thinking it's Mab the queen of the fairies, who lives out in Joshua Tree and has a bad case of shark teeth. But they weren't in this episode. Hooray!

Jessica's growing up. She's making mistakes, but she's also trying to understand them. And she's done well for someone with such awful, awful fathers, both human and vampire.

The foreshadowing of vampire Luis' (rapist vampire) final death. I can't wait to watch that.

No HotShot scenes!

Tara had great scenes where she didn't yell. The stuff at Merlotte's was hilarious.

I feel like now they've laid the groundwork and the season can really start. Everything's going to go off in the next episode, so we'll see what we've got left to work with after next week!

Ghost Post!

Nerd Alert. This one's a bit on the professory side. So beware. But you know what? I'm a PhD now, so this is just how I roll. Ok, not really. But right now, here's some ruminations on ghosties and why I find them so interesting:

Some of you may be familiar with my ghost stories. I am fascinated with the paranormal and the idea that there are forces we can’t see at play. I tend to read a lot of paranormal literature, but not a lot of it really involves ghosts. Television programs featuring ghosts, ghost hunters, and stories of hauntings, though, are favorites of mine. Big time. I’ve been watching a lot of them lately and have started to think about the place of these stories in our culture.

I know that for individuals involved, and even for some in the audience, the idea that these experiences are true and validating them as true is important. I think that though there are obvious fakes on these programs, and possibly a lot of instances of people jumping to paranormal conclusions, I am still fascinated. I even still get freaked out when I know it's probably fake. I started to think about why.

Most of these stories told on these haunted/ghost hunting shows are tragic tales of murder, suicide, accidental death, and lives cut short too early. Brides whose husbands murdered them on their wedding night, girls who committed suicide upon finding they were pregnant, prisoners tortured by their jailers. Some of them are linked to important historical moments such as the Battle of Gettysburg, or an historical phenomenon like the lunatic asylum. These places and events are powerful reminders of the horrors we have inflicted on each other both large scale and small. That these shows retell these stories is perhaps an important reason why these shows are popular. Regardless of whether there is paranormal activity going on, we are haunted by the story itself. It is almost a way of sustaining the history of a given place by retelling these ghost stories. A place that may not be important in the grand scheme of things, a person who most likely would not be documented in a history book, a non-descript building that bears the scars of past events. They become important, valued, and revered as part of the ghost story. They get the justice they deserve in that way.

Ghost stories, though they are about death, are really about keeping history alive. Subconsciously, perhaps, we will these stories to return by associating everyday anomalies, such as a old house’s creaks and groans, with what we know to be true about the people that inhabited that home years before us.

Sociologists and cultural analysts have examined why ghost stories are meaningful. Most of them argue that there is a component of social control to the most oft-repeated stories. Like other stories handed down through the ages, they are parables of sorts. Don’t venture off to the woods. Don’t pick up a hitchhiker. Pay your debts. Clear your conscience. And my personal favorite, don’t prevent a couple from getting married/don’t force a couple to get married. Ghost brides have been popular for centuries. Some of these stories are used to scare children into good behavior, some to remind women of the importance of sexual and moral purity. Some to remind men that their misdeeds will follow them even if they leave town. After examining patterns of popular ghost tales and urban myths, one study found that the stories were altered over the years to reflect the loosening and tightening of social rules.

That's where a lot of the academic literature on ghosts tends to focus: ghost myths or legends. But I’m not as interested in repeated tales as much as I am interested in the one-off experiences. I like to hear how the paranormal touched individual people and how they deal with it. Which explains why I like those shows which tend to be filled with interviews and re-enactments of individual experiences.  Do I just want to hear other people talk about something similar to what I experienced? Or is it something more? Do I want somehow to find answers about it through watching these shows?

You can’t really take a scientific approach to these things, because no scientist would come to a “ghostly” conclusions. A scientist would say “not yet explained” before saying “ghost,” and there are good reasons for that. But you can explore what makes people willing to believe in ghosts. Our need to explain things, our fear of forces beyond our control, our fear of death, and for some, the fear of an afterlife. I don’t presume to know how it all works. I also don’t really want to venture a guess as to why otherwise normal people experience apparitions of the dead, hear their voices, or witness ghostly events. The rush to debunk a lot of these experiences can be just as clumsy as instantly declaring a ghostly presence. I only know the fear involved with confronting the experience. Maybe not everyone fears the idea of a ghostly encounter, but I did.  And do.

From 12-17 years old, and each time it happened,  I thought I might be crazy. Laughing it off or finding fake explanations for it were part of the way I sought to pretend I wasn't crazy. "Don't freak out, that's just a squirrel on the roof." Or, "I didn't hear anything."  Even when other people experienced things with me, I still came to that conclusion of craziness because they tended to be related to me. "It's genetic. We're all freaking crazy."

At 12, the times I heard/saw things by myself, I was paralyzed with fear. Do you know what that feels like? I wanted to move, my mind was repeating "move move move close the door lock it move move" and my body was completely unwilling to move a millimeter.  Closing the door and locking it presumably does not prevent a ghost from entering my room, but in my mind, it was an intruder and closing doors is how you keep them out.

Regardless, my body betrayed me. I live with the fear that it will do so again. I'm lucky enough to have been spared violence in my own life. I'm lucky enough to have never experienced an intruder (a real, live one). What if I close down? There's flight or fight, but am I going to be the one idiot who does neither and stands like a deer in headlights? Maybe since I'm no longer 12, I will react differently. But it's a memory I can't shake. Hearing the footsteps coming up the stairs, creaking each stair. The tap tap of the footsteps on the wood floor. Wondering "why aren't my parents waking up? It's walking right in front of their open door?" No matter how you cut it (dream, hallucination, ghost, creaky house), that is an effed up experience.


So how does watching every single episode of Ghost Hunters help? It helps me understand that once you've gotten it in your head that there is a ghost, you pretty much interpret every anomalous experience as paranormal. Creak in the ceiling? Ghost. Some shadow from the tree outside you catch out of the corner of your eye? Ghost. I find myself wondering what I would do now, if I were in the same position, and then I totally take it back for fear it will call into existence a situation that I could really just never ever have again and be fine with.

 So, I'm haunted by my haunting. And I'm interested in how other people dealt with it when it happened to them. Why are you interested in it? Why do you like to be scared? Comment or take the poll on the right. I'd love to know what you all think.

True Blood Season 3 In Review

Well folks, it's another season gone. I can't believe we've just finished season 3 of True Blood. I thought it would take forever to get to season 4, aka book 4, aka Dead to the World, one of my favorites in the series. But lets get to the review, shall we? I have spoken on the pros and cons of the season so far a while back, but it's nice to see it all in retrospect.

Spoilers ahead!

Rather than one over-arching problem (like Maryanne last season), we had a more intimate look at the characters' personal issues. Most of them revolved around Russell Edgington's sudden case of the crazies after 3000 years, but really they placed themselves in Russell's way as a result of their own ridiculous issues.

The A Plot

Bill Loses His Shine

Bill got kidnapped by crazy vampire -blood-drinking werewolves and taken to Mississippi, where he was held captive by vampire King Russell Edgington. And by held captive, I mean "gets to wear tuxes and hang out in a mansion and eats delicious blood-based cuisine." It's a gilded cage, the Edgington manse. His capture catapults Sookie into motion, trying to find him any which way she can. She goes to Eric for help, who hooks her up with a hot werewolf named Alcide with contacts in Mississippi. She learns (very very slowly) that Bill hasn't been completely up front with her and that she's a fairy. And she's pretty miffed about both. In that sorta kinda way. Lorena meets the pointy end of sharp stick after realizing she's truly unlovable.

As a result of Bill's kidnapping, we find out about Eric's viking past. Originally interested in securing Sookie for himself (he has some silly Sookie fantasies) and getting rid of Bill, he goes to Russell only to realize that his entire family was killed by Russell's werewolves. This propels him into a plan for vengeance that leads to an ultimate sacrifice: a really bad sunburn.

I have to say, this plot line ended well, in the way that it didn't end completely but we feel some kind of closure. Talbot got insinkerator'd, so he's not resurrecting any time soon. Russell is in a vat of hardening concrete, which I think will probably hold him for 3 months tops, not the 100 years Eric and Bill predicted. I mean, I'm not an idiot True Blood. I've seen Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. If Han Solo can make it, Russell can totally make it. I also know that if you don't decapitate a vampire and see his or her goop explode all over the room, that sucker is still a liability.

Anyway, Bill and Sookie are broken up again. No really, they're really for real broken up. Probably forever. Maybe. Eric outed Bill's vampire plans to capture Sookie for Queen Sophie Ann, firmly putting himself in the "vampires aren't really first, I'm first" category. That dastardly Bill; and we thought he was such a gentleman!

TV Eric Rulez

In the past few seasons, Eric has actually struck me as better than the book Eric. Book Eric is too sweet and protective of Sookie to be the ferocious guy his reputation insists he is. I like that True Blood showed that dual nature he must have to be able to care for a human and maintain a leadership role among bloodthirsty creatures.

Sookie Screams a lot and then Goes into the Starlight

Sookie got a little bit stronger in the last episode, able to take charge and not be a victim, but honey, I waited much too long for this girl to come to her senses....and then after rescinding all vampires from ever being in her house, she invites Bill in. AGAIN. Like, hang out on the porch, you live in nowheresville. Christ! You don't have to invite in everyone that knocks. You know who aren't good at teaching someone how to be fierce and powerful? Flighty, flowy, sunlight drenched fairies. They better butch up these fairies next season or I'm gonna have a problem. 

The B Plot(s)

Tara's Origin Story or How I Make Sense of this Tragic Woman

Tara was mourning Eggs this season and ended up getting involved with a bad vampire named Franklin Mott,  who continues the Torture Tara sideshow that has gone on since she was born. As good as the actor was, her rape and torment was played for laughs, and his psychotic fantasy of their "love" was not given the darkness it deserved. Her anger afterward seemed justified, but she spends so much time angry (even her depression is angry) that it didn't have the same impact. I did like, however, that she's the smart one who figured out how to escape her captor and flee the mansion.

If I was Sookie's friend, I probably would have left her ass for wanting to go back to rescue Bill. It was nice to see her take a step forward and realize that she needed to be a different person, rather than just heading for self-destruction. She cut off her hair and got the hell out of town. In my fantasy, she becomes a vampire slayer. Not like an "every one of those things should die" kind, but a protector of humanity from the bad ones.  I kind of wish this was her superhero origin story. Superheroes need to go through some effed up stuff to get to the point where they go nuts and wear costumes patrolling the streets. That's the level of stuff Tara's had to go through.

Who Cares About Jason? You? Anyone? *crickets*

Jason decided he wanted to be a cop this season, but doesn't want to do any of the actual work involved in getting there (as per usual). So he blackmails Andy into giving him a job at the station, which results in him meeting a werepanther named Crystal from Hotshot. Hotshot is an inbred redneck community that loves to make crystal meth. Do you think Crystal's dad bestowed her name upon her in honor of the family business? He blunders his way into saving the town from destruction, but really, it's Crystal whose choices freed those people. I don't think Jason will ever see that. You know what, though? I don't care about this story. I haven't all season. I actually felt like it took precious time away from Eric and Pam. We hardly got any Pam!

The Fall of Sam Merlotte

Sam meets his biological family and they are all a-holes who take advantage of him and his hospitality. He learns that he's become a bit of a pushover since moving to Bon Temps. Once upon a time, he was a thief, and an accidental murderer, and he was into putting gel in his hair. He was fierce and unafraid to threaten people while being naked. These days, he just gets drunk and berates customers and his friends. After slowly convincing Tommy to see himself and others like human beings, he decides to treat him like dirt. This results in Tommy stealing his money, Sam chasing after him, and in the only real cliffhanger of the season, Sam shoots at Tommy. Did he kill his own brother? Is Sam really a bad person and he's been pretending to be nice? I....also don't care about this story. I liked that Sookie had one person in her life that was genuine and good. Her abandonment of Merlotte's and his fall from grace doesn't sit well with me. Can he come back from this? Hmph.

I Would Totally Hang Out with Jessica Hanby

Jessica was lost without Bill, who taught her nothing about survival or about what to do if he were to go away for the weekend. She had broken up with Hoyt last season and spent the season hating what she has become. After trying to clean up the mess she caused by draining a trucker, she gets a job at Merlotte's and is actually very good at her job. Eventually, she and Hoyt reunite and it looks like he rented a house for them to live in together.  I heart this girl. I want to take her out for a girls night of dancing and help her with her problems. I'd have to wear 7-inch heels and lose 80 pounds to walk into a club next to her, though, so maybe I'm not the right gal for the job. She needs a best girl friend. And NOT SOOKIE, for the love of god.

Lala + Jesus

Lafayette continues to live (which I LOVE) and is amazing. We learn about his mom's schizophrenia, he gets a cute boyfriend who is a witch, and manages to have some moments of joy. He goes on a V trip with said boyfriend that really teaches the lesson that you shouldn't take hallucinogens if you've got a bungalow decorated in varieties of freaky figurines. Just a tip. And now it seems he has some measure of clairvoyance. But not the "bad feeling" or "dark aura" kind that you would want to have. No instead he gets the "frightening visions" form of the affliction. Great job universe! That has to be the most disturbing power ever. Whatever, I'm just glad he's still alive. He's one of the best characters that has ever been on television.


Arlene and Terry get serious, she finds out she's pregnant with Rene's baby (time sure goes slowly in Bon Temps) and freaks out about carrying serial murderer DNA into the world. This leads her to attempt a mystical witchy herb tea abortion that doesn't work. Don't you hate when that happens?



The Fall and Rise and Possibly Fall of Sophie Ann

Sophie Ann wore some fierce outfits this season, and was a delight even though she didn't play that large of an on-screen role. She started to lose her grip on her queendom by peddling V, attracting the attention of the Authority and Edgington, which resulted in her time in the cage (above) and a forced marriage to Russell. She lucks out with Russell going to sleep with the pylons. At the end of the season, she's back on top.

This dress, with the scarlet lining on the inside? Amazing:

Our real cliffhanger this season happens when Bill lures her to his house to kill her (to save Sookie from her clutches, aww..he wuvs her still). But, in true Bill fashion, he fucks it up. You never tell the lure that they are caught and then explain why and how you are going to kill them. That gives them time to come up with a battle plan! Anyway, I forget why I was supposed to worry about things between Bill and Sophie Ann because I was distracted by the lameness that was the flying across the room at each other.  It reminded me of Rocky. It didn't make me wonder what is going to happen to Bill. Bill, you make bad decisions. Almost all of the decisions you've made in the past 3 years were bad. Take a step back, reassess, OK? Maybe start working on a vampire database or something. Geez.


Au revoire season 3! I love you for bringing Russell into our lives.

True Blood Season 3 Review (So Far)

True Blood Season 3 is in full swing and I am feeling feelings y'all!

Good ones and bad.

Synopsis so far: Bill has been kidnapped by werewolves and taken to the neighboring territory of  Mississippi, headed (vampire-wise) by King Russel Edgington. He wanted Bill so he could stage a takeover of Louisiana. It appears that Bill is on a special mission for Queen Sophie Anne and he wants to know what it is, so he has him taken in the middle of his proposal dinner to Sookie. Bad timing! Russell apparently has werewolves that work for him and do his bidding in exchange for sips of his extra old and vintagey vampire blood. He only chooses the most redneck werewolves, though, so at least we know he has a screening process.

Since Bill is all kinds of missing, Sookie tries to track him down, figuring out through Jessica (who still rules) that he was taken by werewolves hopped up on V. This leads to her getting Eric involved and eventually going to Jackson, Mississippi with Eric's business associate Alcide, a werewolf who promises to protect her and give her some werewolf contacts.

Shit hits the fan, though, because when Bill is taken to Russell's mansion, he finds Lorena there, all up in this scenario. Russell's "official consort" boyfriend Talbot, who worked all night on a dinner of blood soup, with blood sorbet for dessert, was supremely pissed when Bill set Lorena on fire, destroying a rug. He queens it up big time in every scene, and even though he's awful, I love him.  Anyway, stupid Lorena lives through his fire bombing.

Meanwhile, Eric has been selling V for Sophie Ann in an effort to make money for the failing queendom of Louisiana and totally gets caught by the Magister, who dickishly takes Pam hostage as punishment! In a pinch, Eric blames Bill for the V sales and goes to Mississippi to bring him back to the Magister in exchange for Pam.

At Russell's manse, he finds he has to act all sorts of gay to charm both Talbot and Russell into giving over Bill, getting back at Sophie Ann for selling him out to the Magister, and reclaiming his human-life era Viking crown that was taken by Russell after he murdered his whole Viking family! So Eric is a super multi-tasker this season. He also has time for secret fantasies about Sookie being into him and knowing things about him and touching his hair. He's crushing hard and fighting it big time. Oldest guy story ever told. 

Meanwhile in Tara's sad corner of the universe, she is so depressed over Eggs' death that she goes to bed with a vampire who totally stalks her life! He is in psycho love with her and wants to make her his vampire bride, so he tortures her for days and she has to play along to survive. In a show with Sookie Stackhouse, how can you possibly be labeled the Queen of Bad Decisions?

Franklin Mott  (Tara's vamp) is apparently a spy for Russell who finds out that Bill has been researching Sookie for Sophie Ann. Bill, it turns out, has a special skill, besides brooding. Who knew? He procures things. And since Russell is obsessed with having special souvenirs, he wants a Sookie. So he manages to get her by luring Bill and paying Mott to find out about the situation.  She does the big light thing that she did to Maryanne in response to being abducted, but still gets taken to the mansion anyway.

Everyone's at the mansion, snug as bugs in rugs for the day, when Tara manages to break free of Franklin, break Sookie out, and rescue Bill. This results in several amazing things:

Tara takes a mace and bludgeons Franklin Mott! Even though every vampire movie/tv show/book ever says that decapitation is best. And having the option of several axes over the mace. DUM.

Sookie kills Lorena!

Bill drains Sookie in a starving vampire rage blackout!

Alcide seems to shut the door on his redneck ex, Debbie Pelt! Or does he?!

Other things happened, but basically, at the end of "Hit the Ground" we're left with a barely surviving Sookie, a free Pam (Russell hates the Magister, and loves his cane, so he separated our Magister from his head. Bye Bye Magister), and also there's a BIG SECRET ABOUT SOOKIE. That I totally know.

Some things about this season:

Thing 1: Bill Compton is the Worst Dad Ever. AGAIN.

Not only did he not visibly worry once out loud about Jessica (which is exactly like last season), but he never taught her anything about being a vampire, including the depth of the sire/child bond. And yet he had time for a lecture on recycling. Bill, no pun intended, sucks in general, but you'd think he'd be better at handling a newbie vamp what with him being over a century old. Just sayin'. He also manages to play almost every angle of his capture poorly. For someone so old, and on a secret mission to procure Sookie for the queen, he's really bad at lying.

Thing 2: Alcide Herveaux, Were-Abs

I didn't really like Alcide in the books, and I know that I was supposed to (at least in the beginning). He had really dumb werewolf qualities, like being all 'master race' about being a wolf, wanting to marry only a wolf bride so he can have wolf babies, getting erections after killing other wolves...you know, dumz, right?  But in the show, well, see the picture above. Nice. Also, he is bummed on the werewolf rules and doesn't want to procreate with another wolf. Kind of a departure from the jerk in the books. We'll see how it goes.

Thing 3: Gay Eric Northman
Yay for Gay Eric, who has a special smile just for his gay times! Its hilarious.  He's in a really tough situation this season, so I can't wait to see how he comes out of it in the end. His brutality is somewhat balanced by his fascination with Sookie, but this Eric isn't the book Eric. Book Eric seemed to care about Sookie, making sure to follow her to Jackson and keep an eye on her, focusing his time on rescuing Bill (even though he knew it was in his best interest to let him rot) because Sookie felt the need to rescue him. Also, book Eric has a funnier nature. Though calling the Hotshot folks "brother-cousins" earns him major points for this season.


Thing 4: The Mickens'

These people are proof that just because you're related, doesn't mean you need to ever have contact with them. They make their kid shift into a pit bull so he can win dog fights. Wow. I don't get it, can't you shift into all sorts of things that would allow you to finagle money and free stuff? Anyway, Sam has to deal with his bio-family in a big way this season, and since Sookie is off galavanting around Mississippi, he has no one in his corner.  I hope that changes. At least he seems to have his brother Tommy.



Thing 5: Lafayette Loves Jesus

I'm still pulling for L+J, even though it seems like they have hit a rough patch. Their one date was magical. It ended with Lafayette saying, "Tell yo mamma two faggots kicked yo ass." Sweet.


Thing 6: Talbot Plus Russel Forever (or at least until their inevitable end and or ends this season)
I love this relationship. 

Thing 7: Goodbye Lorena

 She wore the best outfits on the whole show. And, she clearly had a backstory that gave her psycho behavior some context (despicable as it was). l was hoping the show would do cool things with her, but maybe we can still see some flashbacks?

Thing 8: Goodbye Book Sookie

Just for the record, the Sookie in the show is a total moron. I get naivete in the first season, given her sheltered and chaste upbringing, but it's season 3. She's seen a vampire staked in front of her, a maenad out of control, a vampire suicide by sunrise and killed a serial killer with a shovel. What gives?! In the book she staked Lorena without help, she managed to silently extract Bill from Russell's mansion, and she had a more sobered approach to Bill's betrayal with Lorena. She knew that he was an ass for giving her up, but she felt that he shouldn't die for his connection to her, and so set out to rescue him anyway.  This Sookie yells and screams and pleads and cries and seems to be kind of an asshole sometimes. And she wears clothing that is inappropriate for being chased, chasing someone, or being stealthy. I'm not as in her corner as I was in the books, especially book 3, Club Dead, one of the best of the series in my opinion. Breathy Sookie in the show needs to get a pair. Maybe by the end of the season, we'll see that.

Thing 9: Jason Stackhouse Continues to Steal Minutes from Important Storylines

Sorry, I love the actor, and his Jason gives me all kinds of giggles, but I don't care about him, his ridiculous plan to be a cop, nor his attempt to save Crystal from Hotshot because he's such a better catch. 


Finally, Thing 10: Jessica Continues to Rule

I loved Jessica and Pam's discussion on how to get rid of a dead body. Even though she's been totally abandoned, she's managed to do much more than anyone else in this whole show. She was proactive about getting rid of said body by asking good questions, trying to rent a chainsaw instead of buying, she got a job, keeps up the Compton house, pines over Hoyt but doesn't kill him or anyone he likes, and barely even eats people because she's trying to be good. She's all Lestat about only eating evil-doers, too. She only eats a really nasty, bitchy customer. It's fitting punishment for someone who has the audacity to show up in public to eat in curlers and proceeds to stay past closing.

In closing, True Blood Season 3 has so far kept me interested, but it has changed the core values and qualities of some of the characters from the books so much, that I feel a bit disconnected from all of them, leaving me without someone with whom I can really identify.

Situationalism

Ok, have you heard all the hoopla around MTVs Jersey Shore, the show about obnoxious 20-somethings who spend their summers cavorting around "the shore" as its called (apparently nobody calls it the beach over there)? It has come under fire from Italian-American groups who find that it reinforces Italian stereotypes. Truly, this isn't about any group of people who party at the shore, it's specifically about supremely obnoxious Italian-American kids. People all over the east coast go to the shore during the summer, but MTV chose a select group and thus the show that is pissing off tons of people.

Apparently, the term MTV uses to describe the kids/market the show, "guidos" (and for the ladies, the even more awesome "guidettes") is being talked about as "no longer offensive" because A) it has fallen out of favor over the years as the go-to epithet and thus is so antiquated that it no longer holds power, and/or B) they use it to describe themselves.

Um, I think I can sum up a response to that, "I don't think so." Maybe also "Nice try!" Is there a a statute of limitations on racist terminology? Because I hadn't heard that. It's offensive! The show is offensive, and its sadness is palpable even in the commercials. But that's not why I'm here. I'm here because one of the guys refers to himself and, alternatively, his muscley abs as "The Situation."

Mike "The Situation"

As you can see, he is pointing to his "situation." He asks girls on the street "Do you love the situation?" as he pulls up his shirt to reveal his ripply muscles. Women who know of him from club land wear t-shirts like this one: Which is one of those moments for me when my own private vocabulary encounters the real world and the combination is hysterically funny. You see, dear readers, to me "the situation" and "my situation" are terms I use to talk about my period. Sometimes, if there's a period-related emergency and I have to explain why I've been in the restroom running the water forever, I say "It was my situation" or "I had to take care of my situation." Needless to say, I do not love the situation! But I do love that every time he is mentioned, I think of buying tampons, you know, so I don't have a situation.

Have you had any funny crossover experiences with words/phrases that are part of your own personal vocabulary?

Margaret Cho: If Men had a period:

Vampire Diaries - Review Pt. 2

Elena and bad vampire Damon

Ok, so remember how I reviewed this show already? Well, at the end of the review I was lamenting that main character Elena hadn't figured out Stefan's undeadlyness. I believe I said something like if she didn't find out in the next episode, I'd probably not stick around. Well, she heard me because by the next episode, she was researching and finding the evidence she needed to confirm what she knew in her heart. Her new boy is all secretive and broody because he's a vampire.

So I stuck with the show. The cons I mentioned in the last post, well, they are still cons.

• Bad, bad historical accuracy in the representation of Civil War-era Mystic Falls.

• Grodyness surrounding the attraction Stefan has for a 17-year old girl. I think in the last episode, Stefan says he's been 17 since 1864. Which made me laugh because the actor is 27 and looks it.

• It's a show about high-school in a small/insular town, which just sucks as a premise for me.

• The heroine is a young girl - I like my heroines to be older, or at least not naive. My typical heroine's sexual awakening happened years ago and she's not about to fall for someone just because he finds her attractive.

But now it's time for some of the pros, which after a few episodes, I think it deserves:

1 - Elena's Un-Bella-like Response

I liked that Elena did a bunch of research (on a computer!) in order to confirm her suspicions about Stefan. And, when she did find out, she confronted him, was angry, and made it pretty clear that she couldn't be with him until she figured some things out. Namely whether or not he has ever killed anyone before. He might be a vampire vegetarian now, but was he always? She's surprisingly cautious, and she likes to be adequately informed before making decisions. She's just getting used to the idea of vampires and her initial reaction seems to be disgust. That's more of a normal response.

2 - Elena's desire to be in control

Both vampires are fascinated by Elena's resemblance to Katherine, the vampire who turned them both (and had affairs with them as well). I thought this would lead to one of those tug-of-war type story lines where Elena is kept in the dark about their natures while they woo her and fight over her. She ultimately is a prize, not a person. And coveted only because she resembles a bigger prize that is no longer available.

So far, what has happened is that they are both interested in her, but thanks to a magical herb called "vervain" in her necklace (which Stefan gave her), she is resistant to vampire mind-control. It's nice to know the choices she's making are her own and now that she knows they are vampires, I'm interested to see how she deals with them. Already she's managed to throw the legend of Katherine in Damon's face, making him leave her doorstep in a huff. He's the baddie and he got totally faced by a human. She knows who Katherine is and that she turned them into vampires. I don't know if she knows how much she resembles her. And I so want to see her get pissed when she figures it out. Please, show, if you love me, make her go dark for a time when she figures it out. Please?

3 - Elena's concern for her friends, and their concern for her

Bonnie & Caroline, Elena's friends

I like that Elena shows concern for her friends, and even for people who aren't close to her. When she thinks that Caroline is being brutalized by Damon, she tries to get her to leave him and doesn't let up. Bonnie senses something weird about Stefan and cautions Elena, but instead of ignoring her or distancing herself from her friendships, she encourages Bonnie and Stefan to get to know each other. Her support structure doesn't seem to suffer as she enters the relationship. She still lives with her brother and aunt, all of whom interact with each other (even though everyone is distracted by their own drama).

Ex-boyfriend Matt tries to make nice with Stefan and gives him pointers about dating her. Namely that he be up front about his past, because she will find out whatever it is he is hiding, indicating that Elena is no shrinking flower.

Even though she has lost her parents recently, her support structure is there. She's not as disconnected as I had initially thought.

Vampire brothers Stefan & Damon Salvatore

4 - Hello, vampires eat people. People!

This show doesn't shy away from the dark side of vampirism, namely that people are like sandwiches. Stefan may have qualms about killing for dinner, but Damon does not. His lack of regard for human life is powerfully represented. He manipulates and glamours his way into the lives of several people in Mystic Falls. He brutally kills people on screen. Stefan's humanity is a great counter-balance to Damon's inhumanity, but at the same time, Damon has a soft-spot for his brother. He had the chance to let Stefan die and he saved him instead.

I'm hoping Damon's character gains some complexity, because if they stick to this white-hat/black-hat dynamic, it will be very tough to rationalize Stefan's reluctance to kill his brother. I want to hear more about Damon's relationship with Katherine. Maybe he has a reasonable beef with humans?

We also need to meet more vampires, or learn something more about vampire culture. Maybe Elena will do some more research? A gal can only hope.

Final Decision:

Not much new on the vampire mythos front, but an interesting look at vampire-human romance that (so far) hasn't compromised the self-esteem of the heroine. Even though my Thursday evening is pretty packed, I'm going to DVR Vampire Diaries and watch it during the graveyard that is Tuesday night (no pun intended).

Vampire Diaries - the Series

The CW series The Vampire Diaries is on my new list of must-watch, must-torture-self TV. I know it's based on a series of books, but for the first time in a long time, I haven't read the books. Can you believe it? I am not even really planning to read them. Isn't that odd?

Not so affectionately referred to as "Dawson's Teeth" by my favorite website, Television Without Pity, this is a vampire show aimed at teens, and so we have the typical teen drama with a paranormal twist. The actors are young and have that angsty acting style so typical of teen dramas. I mean, only in teen dramas do you find small towns full of gorgeous people, with access to a variety of weaves, hairdressers, and designer clothing pouting about how outcast they are. Even the working-class girl looks like a runway model.

Welcome to the story of Mystic Falls, a small town with secrets. Namely, that vampires live there. And have since at least the Civil War, since the main love interests are two brothers who were seemingly turned in the mid-19th century. Damon and Stefan Salvatore are both vampires. Stefan seems to be the nice guy, who forgoes snacks on humans even though it weakens him, and Damon, the bad boy, is a fully remorseless vampire who loves to snack and glamour. They have kept to themselves for some time, Stefan only recently coming out of their ivy covered mansion. Damon back in town after 15 years. What draws them out? A girl, of course.

In true romance novel fashion, the central female protagonist, Elena Gilbert, has her social identity destroyed at the beginning of the story. Her parents are recently dead, she's broken up with her football player boyfriend, and though her world is changing, she does have her friends Caroline, a weakling in the thrall of Damon, and Bonnie, a witch descended from the Salem witches.

In the books, she apparently was a white girl descended from druids, but hey, if you're trying to grab some of that True Blood love, you maybe go for an African American character, since it has a proven and thus lucrative track record. Regardless of the reason, witchy Bonnie can tell something's up with Stefan by touching him. She sees death. I already like her. She lights candles with her mind. That's handy.

Our girl Elena is so out of place she actually writes her sad journal entries in the local cemetary. Dude, I went goth in high school and pretended my name was Astrid and still never wrote journal entries in the local cemetery, so Elena is a bit much already. She happens to look exactly like the woman both Salvatore brothers were in love with during the Civil War, Catherine, who died at the hands of Confederate soldiers like a good Yankee.

Her Civil War era photograph is such a poor fakery, I almost feel sad about that alone. They could have at least added more natural eyebrows and done some blur. But no, they did not. It's pretty much just a photo of the actress who plays Elena with some very Knott's Berry Farm embellishments and a sepia tone. And then I reminded myself that maybe since Bush's No Child Left Behind policies, teens today have no sense of history, and thus believe that a 2-second Photoshop filter is a fairly believable representation of daguerreotype photography. I weep, yet again.

Tonight was the third episode, and though the town has been ravaged by a rash of "animal attacks" that leave the victim drained of blood, only one person, our weakling Caroline, knows that vampires exist. Or so it seems. Tonight's final scene included the town's sherrif, mayor, and other random authority figures, have realized that the beings that once plagued Mystic Falls years ago are back. For some reason the cadre of townsfolk are interested in Elena's family pocketwatch as a key element in stopping the killings. Hmm....

So what's the deal with the vampire mythos here:

They've got the glamour, so they can manipulate humans into thinking and doing things. They have super speed, fast healing, and excellent hearing. Stefan has a tattoo, and I haven't seen the first episode, so I don't know if they explain that, but as far as most vampire myths go, vamps can't get tattoos. They heal too fast, so their bodies reject the ink. I'm wondering if this will be explained, since I watched him heal from a stab wound in seconds. Anyway, when they get blood thirsty, their eyes go bloodshot and the blood vessels in their faces become visible underneath their skin. This makes being hungry a problem in public. Damon, the bad brother, keeps eating people, so he doesn't have the embarrassing moments that plague poor Stefan. Stefan is trying to be a good boy, so he keeps having to push away from Elena before she sees his cadaver face.

This show and the relationship between Elena and Stefan, in style, tone, and narrative, is honestly very much a rip off of Twilight. Gotta say, though Twilight is referenced in the series (so we know that they know, and that everyone knows about Twilight, wink wink), and is itself an inheritor of the traditional vampire narrative, the heroine's casting, the way in which the high school classroom scenes are filmed, and the hungry heart ache of the hero, all reminded me too much of those same scenes in the Twilight movie. So, it's almost like some gross guy in Hollywood pitched this series as "Twilight meets True Blood for the teen crowd." "It's a gold mine!" It doesn't mean this series can't do something interesting, but I'm finding it hard to like it, given its unwillingness to do anything new.

Oh wait, it does do something new. The Elena character, our heroine pursued by both Stefan and Damon, looks like a teenager. She looks 15-16 maybe, which is rare for teen drama actresses, most of whom are already 19 at the start. So, though she seems strong willed and somewhat independent minded, she has a heavy dose of the traditional romantic heroine's qualities of innocence and naivete. It is really and truly gross to me that someone in his 20s, much less his 160s would look at a teenager in high school with lustiness, no matter how much she looks like his old girlfriend. It was grody in Twilight, and it is much more freaky in Vampire Diaries for some reason. Can't you wait a year or two or five? I mean, it's not like you don't have the time, perv. Geez.

So I guess it comes down to this: should you watch it? Well, are you a fan of teen dramas? Did you like The O.C. or maybe the original 90210? If you said yes, you'd probably like the show. However, if you are hoping that the heroine is something along the lines of Veronica Mars or Buffy, well I just haven't seen it yet. If Elena doesn't figure out that Stefan is a vampire in the next episode, I may have to call it quits.

Wow, even I have some standards, apparently.

True Blood Review

The latest True Blood episode, "Frenzy" wasn't what I expected, but it bears mentioning that Eric looked like the above photo in this episode, and thus it was worthwhile viewing for me. I'm not even into blond nordic types, but Skarsgard is really making me rethink that policy. In this episode, Maryanne's chaos continues as she further prepares her offerings for the "god who comes." Which involves much drama for Sookie, Lafayette, Tara, Jason, and Andy. Meanwhile, Bill goes off on the most hilarious search for information about Maenads at Queen Sophie's manse. Bill, dear, you have Wii. Don't you know about Google?

Anyway, awesome things in this episode?

#1 Eric, as previously mentioned. He is creepy and funny as he hungers for Arlene's kids, which he refers to as "humans in miniature."

He flies from Shreveport to New Orleans via his vampire powers of flight, and his hair is a hilarious mess when he lands. His fussing with it just before meeting the Queen was hysterical. As was his discussion with Bill.

He turns Bill's argument about Eric manipulating Sookie with his blood back on him, reminding us all that Bill too gave her his blood. A lot of it. On the first night they met. So eat that "true love." His priceless question "Has she mentioned me at all?" rules almost harder than his fantasy scene in ladies clothing earlier in the episode. We may not get the pink spandex from the book, so this stuff will have to do.

#2 Sophie Ann Leclerq, Queen of Louisiana is such an old vampire that she has no concept of time. Or maybe she's just a big ol' narcissist, because she makes Bill wait and play yahtzee and sample a guy's blood all in her fantastic "day room" that has a fake sky, fake windows with views to a fake beach, and a fake sun.

And although she's not the Sophie-Ann I pictured from the books, she does rule in the show for making Bill participate in the farce of sunglasses, trunks, and probably even suntan lotion. Also, we get to see a vampire eating from the much-discussed femoral artery, aka the sexy artery. Anyway, finally she gives Bill the information on how to kill a Maenad, putting the creatures into an interesting perspective. Once the most powerful and scary thing on the show, Maryanne might need to take a step back because Sophie-Ann is so over her recipes for success. Mad props to Sophie Ann for reading an ancient copy of Vogue and wearing a beaded dress that highlights her pasty white skin. See, Evan Rachel Wood, dating Marilyn Manson was good for something after all!



#3 Pam.

Any scene with Pam in it is awesome, but in this episode they outdid themselves. She's wearing a head to toe red sequined pant suit. I kind of want to see Pam help fight Maryanne, just so she can get retribution for her dear departed shoes.

The not so hot aspects of this episode:

#1 Sookie. The whole Tara situation and how Sookie handled it. I swear, this show is killing Sookie for me. She's not the character from the books to me at all. Now, book Sookie doesn't always save herself or kick ass, but she does have a tenacity and stubbornness that I don't see in doe-eyed Anna Paquin. But that could be a measure of the character being in such early stages of supernatural-fighting experiences.

Whatevs, you don't have to be a genius to figure out that letting Tara go would equal erasing the hard work of bringing her mind back. Any fool could have told her waiting for Bill makes sense because he could glamour Eggs while Sookie goes into his head and brings him back. Like, duh. And so what happens? Tara goes back to Maryanne and gets turned back into a follower almost instantly.

Also, does Sookie own pants? Is it possible that she consider borrowing some or something before going into the maenad house with intent to kill? I swear, pants are better for killing and rescuing. I guess these are things you might need to learn the hard way, but geez.

#2 Sam should consider increasing his number of "imprints" for emergency situations. Even though Maryanne can make him shift into whatever he wants, he could have at least avoided the trashing of his bar had he just went to the zoo and checked out the bear pen.


Oh, and the most awesome thing in the whole entire episode, which I forgot until right now, is the sign on the door at Fangtasia during daytime hours. Instead of "Sorry, We're Closed" it says "Sorry, We're Dead."

I want one.

True Blood Review!

So you know I like True Blood, right? I mean, do you even know me at all? This season has been really just a treat. The first season was good, and it was interesting to see the transition from the world of the books to the world of the HBO series. I had some problems the first season, in dealing with that transition. I was unhappy with some of the differences, and I missed some of the book scenes that didn't make it. But season one was all about introducing characters I'd been reading about for 8 books, so it makes sense that I felt connected to that story and bummed whenever Jason Stackhouse's manslut story took center stage sometimes. After a season, I feel more comfortable with the directions, no matter how different, the show is taking. But the Sookie story is the most difficult one I negotiate. She seemed so strong and upright in the books, and in the show I find her naive and petulant more often than strong.

Anyway, so if you have been watching this season, Maryanne (who is the maenad Callisto in the books) has been taking Bon Temps by storm, summoning up, or maybe harnessing the lust, drunkeness, and chaos in the hearts of its citizens. When she's not busy hosting orgies and professing her love for following your bliss or whatever, she puts on a bull head and goes off cutting people up with her monster hands. Yeah, it's been that kind of season.

She has finagled her way into poor Tara's life, and Sookie's house While she's having orgies in Sookie's backyard (I've been expecting the ghost of Gran to appear any moment), Sookie herself has been in Dallas, helping find a wayward vampire. Jason, who bummed me out last season by taking up valuable screen time, has also been on his own adventure, with the Fellowship of the Sun, the anti-vampire church/terrorist group. Sometimes, when I encounter people in the real world who are hateful right-wingers or zealots or terrorists or reminiscent of Manson family members, I refer to the as FOTS.

Anyway, last night's episode was grand. I hope you've been watching, because the following will mostly make sense only to those who know what's been going on. I have really enjoyed the season, but it really went off in episode 9. Here's my review. Spoilers ahoy!

A Plot: Dallas Vamps
In the previous episode, true believer and FOTS member Luke had arrived at Godric's mansion as a suicide bomber strapped with a bomb complete with silver bullets and tiny wooden stakes. This episode starts with his explosion all over the inside of the mansion. Many vamps and humans were killed, including Stan! Stan Davis in the books was a nerd. Or at least he affected a nerdy persona, complete with fake glasses held together with tape, like you'd see in central casting for nerds circa 1950. Anyway, True Blood's version of Stan was an unintentionally hilarious Midnight Cowboy type of guy, with a slow draaaaaaawl and a cowboy hat. I do believe he almost said "yee haw" in every scene. It was right there, on the tip of his tongue, I swear. Poor Stan still lives in the books, if I'm not mistaken, but not on TV. He decorates the walls of the Dallas Sheriff's mansion.

Just like in Living Dead in Dallas, Eric uses this opportunity to fool Sookie into getting some of his blood in her system. Only in the book, the scene plays out a little differently. In the books, Bill goes off to fight the FOTS attackers, leaving Sookie by herself and not even checking to see if she was OK. In the show, Bill's first words are "Sookie!?" in that way that Bill has of saying her name. When he finds her, pinned to the floor by Eric, who has shielded her from the blast, Eric orders him to chase down the attackers. A minor change, but one that totally changes Bill for me.

TV Bill never lets Sookie down. His love for her is his number one thing. He's like the Bella of True Blood. Get a hobby, Bill! Don't let Sookie be your whole life. Or death. Or whatever. TV Bill doesn't even own property like book Bill. Anyway, Eric convinces Sookie to suck the silver bullets out of his chest and neck, which was just as awesome as it was in the book. His manipulative nature is replicated well, but it was important in the book that he took advantage of a moment when Bill was not the best boyfriend, which made Sookie look at him differently. She was still insulted by being manipulated, but she also thought his protection of her while Bill was out killing FOTS guys was important. TV Bill didn't even kill the one FOTS guy he hunted! His right hook to Eric's eye was a brave and chivalrous move, but even that was about Sookie's honor. Bah.

Sookie's Eric dream ruled. That is all.



Godric's suicide by sunlight, and Eric's tearful goodbye was very moving, but I find it interesting that they left out book Godric's penchant for child molestation and child murder. It would have made his self-hatred more resonant, I think. But it also would have dulled the looooove that Eric had for him in the eyes of the viewer. Their love was so beautiful, even though his tattoos were not.

B Plot: Maryanne is Batshit Crazy

Clearly, Maryanne is obsessed with Sam. Can't wait to find out why. Is it just that he wasn't into having sex with her when he was a scared 16 year old? Is it that he doesn't want to be vibrated to death? Who knows. She's e-v-i-l. And I bet Sookie is gonna be pissed when she sees how at home she's made herself in Gran's kitchen.

Lafayette's protective qualities come out when it looks like Tara's been hit by Eggs, and he is down to fight when it's necessary, which is such a good quality for his character. It's a credit to the actor, Nelsan Ellis, that even though he is angry and ready to fight, there is a visible layer of sadness and fear that plagues him since his time in Fangtasia's basement of horrors from earlier in the season. Even in the book the maenad was unstoppable, and then only by tribute and the deaths of a very few orgy-loving Bon Tempians would she go away. I'm scared for the next episode.

Oh, and Sam turns into a housefly in order to escape jail so he doesn't get trapped by Maryanne. then he hangs out at Sookie's watching Tara, Eggs and Maryanne play cards. And finally, when he knocks on Andy Bellefleur's hotel room door and asks to be let in, totally naked, Andy asks him in. Besides Lafayette, these are the last two sane people in the town! Only a few episodes left and this does not bode well.

C Plot: Hoyt Loves Jessica

Can we hear it for Hoyt, who dresses down his mom (finally)? And for his approach to Jessica's delicate situation in which because she was made a vampire before losing her virginity, her hymen grows back after each time she has sex. Talk about your bad days. It's proof that I watch/read too much of this stuff, because my first thought was "I bet she can have it removed surgically with silver and it wouldn't grow back." Maybe it's time I had a vampire intervention. Seriously, though, how bad is Bill at being a maker. He hasn't once thought of Jessica since he sent her home. No call, not even a begrudging text when it was clear that Dallas vamps had been lit up like Christmas trees. Bill is the worst dad.

Final Call:
A+ episode
TV Bill is hotter than book Bill, but also needs maybe to have hobbies other than Wii golf.
TV Sookie's wardrobe is horrible, and yet miraculously better than book Sookie's.

Veteranos

Premiere of True Blood S.2

I could write an entry about it, but it wouldn't be as cool as this:

I09 Review of True Blood - Pros and Cons

If you aren't watching, well, why the hell aren't you watching?!

Kind of Awesome

Saved by the Bell nostalgia! Also, Jimmy Fallon pretends to be an adult!

Dead Boys

Yet another True Blood season 2 promo. Similar to the first, but this time with double the Eric, who looks pretty good without the wig. I'm totally digging the Bob Dylan song that goes with it. He and Nick Cave should open a strip club together called the Shady Lady and take turns doing live music.



Also a little teaser that HBO put together where the actors talk about the upcoming season

True Blood Season 2 Promo Video

Promo video for the new season of True Blood. Excellent Bob Dylan song.

Season 1 Promo for True Blood

If this doesn't motivate you to watch, well, I just can't help you, I guess.

Saturday Finds Me

...actually doing some home improvement. I am re-caulking my bathtub today. Why would a renter do such a thing, you ask? Well, because the people my landlord hired to caulk it the first time had no business doing the job. As I found out yesterday when I tore off all the old caulking, they actually used grout or spackle of some kind and then put caulk over that while it was still setting. It was hard as a rock and much of it wouldn't budge. I debated renting something that could tear through it and then realized, hey, I don't own this piece of crap building. I'll just caulk right over it and put up one of those silicone edge thingies that looks like tape on a roll. That'll do for now. I bleached and allowed it to dry and all that good stuff, so it's not like I'm totally careless.

Apparently when you caulk a tub you should fill it with water, so the weight of the tub lets it sink as low as possible. They didn't do that last time, and it cracked when it got full of water, thus leading to my disgusting shower that I try to bleach and hide at all costs. Hopefully after this weekend, she'll be a little better looking.

M is off visiting friends this weekend, so I am doing things he would be annoyed with, like for instance not having access to the shower. I am a single lady this weekend, which is kinda nice. It's really quiet and I have the whole place to myself. Last night I watched The Da Vinci Code, which M. would never be into watching. Tonight is Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. I miss him though. I do everything better when he's around.

That being said, I am reminded of the Sex & the City episode about "secret single behavior." The stuff you do only when nobody is around. I think Miranda liked watching infomercials while wearing those spa gloves. Some people like eating things right out of the cartno. My thing is foot spa plus face mask plus History Channel.

M hates re-enactments, so I don't force him to do the three History Channel shows in a row on most evenings. But single Sweet Lady is going to get educated tonight.


Sigh...this post is proof that I've turned a corner in life, onto "comfortable street". Home improvement, silly rental dvds, the history channel. If only I had a lawn, I could start yelling at the neighborhood kids from my porch. Damn economy.

Valentine's Day

I started today off great, with a present! My favorite way, actually. M. got me the first season of Veronica Mars, because he knows me so well. And he gave me this awesome Valentine's day card:
I went to Best Buy because our digital camera is taking a dirt nap. It got a strawberry martini spilled on it the night before our wedding at the drunky party we threw at the Venetian. Technically, M spilled the drink on the camera. I think it is pretty awesome that it lasted over 8 months! The lens cover is automatic, and it would get stuck sometimes, but that was the only thing really wrong with it until recently, when it wouldn't write to the card and some pictures were much too blurry. So, off to replace her with a new Sony Cyber-Shot. Not my dream Canon EOS Rebel, but a nice in between. More megapixels, better zoom, and I can attach lenses and filters to this one, which makes it a great compromise between the tiny point and shoot and the cumbersome digital SLR. Waiting for the batteries to charge up is excruciating!!

We have old people plans this year, as we have the past few years. We're going to avoid the whole dinner reservation craziness and just have a nice dinner at home. Being together at home and enjoying it is really what a relationship is all about for me, so I don't feel like I'm missing anything.

What else is new.....I saw Coraline yesterday with my friend Brande. I am so impressed by the stop-motion animation stuff. It looks absolutely amazing. Backgrounds are moving in a natural way behind the characters. I recommend it highly. Also, Coraline has the exact same hair I wanted when I was 15!

I asked my mom if I could dye my hair blue and she just wouldn't have it at all. This was totally my mental picture of what it would look like. But, alas, even if I did that, you probably wouldn't have been able to tell. My hair is dark brown. It was a stupid thing to argue over, but really, it's just hair. If I had the chance to do it over again, I probably would have done it without asking. I didn't figure out that little trick until late. She tried to be cool about it and bought me black hair dye as a consolation prize, at least.

Has anyone seen Dollhouse, the new Joss Whedon vehicle starring Eliza Dushku (aka Faith, aka the hottest woman in the world)? What do you think? We TiVo'd it and are going to watch it tonight.


P.S. Thanks to Tiny Heat for the shout out!

Sookieverse, Vampires, Nerdiness

Ok, I don't know how many of you are into vampires or the Sookie Stackhouse books, or True Blood the HBO show, or any kind of fiction related to the supernatural, but I was tired of the message boards out ther for this sort of thing. Basically, what's out there are big fannish places where people seem to only want to worship/not offend authors, or super hater places where people devolve into "jump the shark" conversations or Twilight vs. Sookie. I wanted some place that was critical and interesting and full of good folks, so I lurked around a dozen boards, none of them to my liking. So here's my new Sookieverse Message Board. Come by to chat about the show, the books, or vampires in general. I promise, we won't bite.

Sookieverse Message Board

If you want to comment, it helps to sign in and create a profile first. Otherwise, you might lose your post.

The OC Mating Call

I am writing on a cramped US Airways flight on yes, the busiest travel day of the year, the day before Thanksgiving. And it’s so cramped that M., looking over at what I just wrote (because what else is there to look at) told me I couldn’t even use that opening line because he used the same one on his blog. Geez. Whatever, there’s no other way to describe it. I’ve been hustling to get things done before this trip, which ends the afternoon before I get back to work. I have been lagging on returning emails and in general keeping up with people (Hi Trista! Sorry about being MIA). I hope once this next round of essays is graded and my grades are all posted up things will simmer down for maybe a week? Wouldn’t that be nice?

Up in the air as I am lately, I forgot to remark about something that ties in with my last post. I was reminded of a trip I took once to Las Vegas about 5 years ago with some friends. We had a girls weekend, just four of us getting away from it all on a road trip out to the desert. We stayed at the Hard Rock Hotel, which is a great place to stay if you are four ladies on vacay. To us, back then anyway, Vegas was not so much about gambling as it was about lounging by the pool and shopping, perhaps some pampering and dancing in the evening. We rented a poolside cabana and between the four of us, it wasn’t too expensive. The whole day we could come and go and always have a place to lounge or hang in the shade. We talked and got hors d’ouevres and cocktails in giant tiki-shaped plastic cups. And then, they descended upon us. It was out of some kind of nightmare. How could we know? We hadn’t done our homework and checked out who else would be in Las Vegas, and at our very hotel that weekend no less! It was, of all things, the KROQ Singles Party.

For those of you who have the pleasure of not knowing what this is, let me spoil you for life. KROQ is the local “alternative” radio station in Los Angeles. Each year, they throw a “Singles Party” in which Los Angeles area singles are invited/chosen/whatever to go to a weekend party that is catered with food, booze, and DJs. Can you imagine such a thing? Vapid twenty-somethings out for easy action. And people who couldn’t even go to Daytona or whatever on their own. This is a sad, desperate group, y’all. At least from the looks of them. Lots of bleach, plastic, and itty-bitty bikinis on the ladies. Lots of bleach, plastic, and board shorts on the men. These people felt they could wear colorful Mardi Gras beads and aviator glasses. They were not all beautiful, but they were all trying so hard to be the same kind of beautiful that it made me almost sad.

At around 6pm they arrived. They overran the pool area immediately. We were instructed that the pool would be closing early for their “Pool Party,” but we could stay in our cabana as long as we wanted. We contemplated this, as it was hosted by Kevin & Bean, and I’ve always wanted to see Ralph Garman in the flesh, but upon watching them stream out of the hotel into the pool area, we got scared and retreated to our rooms to get ready for dinner.

On our way up in the elevator, we had the first of many quotable moments. One bikini clad gal said to another, “Oh my god, I wanna see your room, I wonder if it looks anything like mine?!” and, after an unbearable silence, she said to a group of oiled up bros in board shorts “So…do you guys surf?” Imagine the four of us, at the back of such an elevator, struggling to maintain control. Not looking at each other for fear of starting a laugh riot that wouldn’t end. My friends had a room that looked out over the pool. It was here, from five stories up that we first heard it. The OC Mating Call. It was a high-pitched noise made by women when they saw each other from far away. “Aaaah! You’re here. I’m here too!” It was a noise made in jest when splashed with water. “Eeeeh! That’s so cold!” It was a noise that celebrated a round of shots or a $5 pull on the slot machine. “Wooohoo!” We have joked about this noise ever since we dubbed it the OC Mating Call on that very day. It has since become more of a “squawk” sound, to accentuate the naturistic quality of the joke. I thought of us as total haters, and I loved us so much for it. If you don’t love us for it, you’re either some kind of Buddhist or you are one of these OC Mating Call people. Just sayin’

What does this have to do with that post about the Jukebox jerk? Well, hold on. It gets better. Given the past 5 years of using the mating call reference, you can imagine my surprise when I watched an episode of How I Met Your Mother entitled “Woo Girls,” about the same noise! In the episode, Lily goes out to a bar to meet up with some gals for a coworker ‘s birthday celebration. She decides to take Robin along with her, since Robin is feeling tender about being single and jobless. Upon arrival, the gals have already had a few drinks under their belts and are about to down shots out of what looks like plastic light up shot glasses. They down the shots and simultaneously say, “Woo!” which prompts Lily to exclaim something like, “I had no idea she was like this. She’s a Woo Girl!”

Woo Girls Defined

According to How I Met Your Mother, Woo Girls are women who “woo” at any given opportunity in some kind of attempt to win male attention and celebrate the evening. It is portrayed as empty, brainless, fun, emphasis on the brainless. The Woo Girl in question, played by Jamie Lynn Sigler, is actually smart in “real life” as evidenced by her ability to go from wooing to discussing educational theory. So what is this wooing for, the episode asks? It is proposed by Robin at the end of the narrative that the wooing is a way for single women who are disappointed in their lives to have some kind of release and to put up a front of happy fun good times so that they don’t have to admit to themselves that they are sad, lonely, baby-wanting and getting older by the second. It’s like what the women from Sex & the City would do if they didn’t have the money for couture outfits.

I immediately made the connection between Woo Girls and what I had experienced as the OC Mating Call. Sadly, it is a nationwide (and possibly worldwide) phenomenon! The next night, I went to the bar (the night of the ruined jukebox set list) and my set elicited “woos” from a table of girls that I would not have thought of as OC Mating Call candidates. But is wooing a desperate plea? Is there really a sad, depressed, lonely gal underneath all that wooing? Is there a male equivalent? In the episode, it was indicated that men also woo (Ted was used as the example, and was wooing to deal with his own single sadness). But I didn’t see the bros at the casino pool making any sort of animal noise. And only the ladies at the bar were vocalizing their happiness at the sounds of INXS and Motley Crue.

I know that when my song comes on and I feel the need to woo (which I don’t do. And probably you wouldn’t do. Would you? Would you woo?) it’s because songs evoke some kind of emotion or memory or a shared moment between my friends. Any woo girls (or guys) out there wanna come clean? Anyone want to guess at an alternative theory than underlying sadness?
Maybe this isn’t Thanksgiving table conversation, but it will be around 40 degrees in Philly, so I will be checking my email and any responses. Feel free to give your 2 cents.

Oh, and Happy Thanksgiving.