Don't get me wrong, I love my life, but it's super crazy right now!
This picture encapsulates the schizophrenic nature of my existence. Who reads all of these things at once?
Of course I'm working on the dissertation like a madwoman. Writing always takes longer than I think it will, and bibliographic referencing is the devil's work, so when I take a break from it, I try to do things that sooth me. Thinking about the Sweet Lady Shop is doing that for me.
"I'm all out of love/ I'm so lost without you" Air Supply, 1980
When you think about your purpose, your calling, whatever it is that draws you to your chosen profession, whatever it is that you are just good at, you should bottle up that feeling and save it for days when other stuff gets in the way. That "other stuff" can make you rethink everything. Make you wonder if you even want to do what makes you happy anymore. This semester has me thinking about changes.
This past week was a roller coaster, and I never really left my house. It encapsulates fully the reason why this semester is tougher than most. To begin with, it was the week of our mandated faculty furlough days at my university. Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, no faculty were to show up on campus and teach. We weren't supposed to answer emails or grade or prep anything. We experienced a 10% reduction in pay this year, which means we are supposed to reduce our course work load by 10% as well. This comes in the form of fewer assignments (so as to produce less work to grade), reduction in class time, and these three mandated days off. All of this is supposed to make it so I have less work to do, but really, it doesn't work that way.
When you change the number of available class days, you have to shorten some topics, eliminate readings, and restructure your exams accordingly. You have to think about how your students are going to acquire the tools and grasp the concepts from your original course now that they have less material to analyze and less of the reading that illuminates these kinds of things.
I eliminated the big paper for my large GE courses, which was the best way to limit my workload and not sacrifice course topics. But the mandated furlough days were tough to work around. They were right smack dab in the middle of the semester, when I give my midterm exams. So I decided that I would just make my exams online midterms, to fully use the Blackboard digital classroom. I could also avoid showing up to campus just to sit in a room while students take exams. Since midterm weeks don't really have much lecture, this mandated vacation might just allow me to have the diminished workload and yet still keep on track.
Yeah, well, Blackboard's online exams are buggy at best, and rather than working on my dissertation, it was a three day exam giving experience, in which many emails were sent letting me know that exams weren't working, that even though students had 24 hours to complete it, some managed to wait until the last minute and their computers "crashed." Some even plum forgot that they had to take an exam. All of these kinds of excuses are hard to give a professor in person, but very easy via email. Sigh. I had a mini-breakdown. While students were having Furlough Fest on campus, I was at home, figuring out how to fix the buggiest exam, emailing students with a more polite but very exasperated version of "this is why I told you to type up your answers in Word and copy & paste into the exam." After working to adjust the exam to the new, more limited course, I had hoped that my work was done. Not so.
Students of course, are feeling the burden of the semester as well. Furloughs were only part of the University's response to the economic crisis. Students also have to pay more tuition per semester. Full time students in my classes have told me that they are paying $500 more a semester. More money for less class time, less access to professors, and really, 10% less of an education. Classes were also cut, which means that there are more students in my classes than ever that didn't really want to be there, but the class fit their schedule and fulfills graduation requirements. If they didn't like my syllabus or teaching style in the first few weeks, there weren't exactly a lot of classes to choose from as alternatives.
All of this: low morale, limited choices, financial worries has combined to make this a sad semester. I used to walk into class and forget my troubles. For that hour and 15 minutes, my lecture, which I had meticulously crafted over the last 5 years and enjoyably prepared, was the thing that made up for the lack of pay. Students seem to dig my lectures and are talkative. This semester, I saw immediately that they are all taxed in many ways and not as jazzed about me. I, also am not as jazzed about the lectures, not as interested in the process. I give them and enjoy them, but they don't have that transcendent quality they used to have. I miss that.
Luckily, when I wasn't doing work for courses this week, I was reading The Historian, by Elizabeth Kostova. It taught me how to love again, which doesn't mean I'm no longer in "sad semester," but at least I'm not breaking up with academia. Here's the Publisher's Weekly blurb about the novel:
In 1972, a 16-year-old American living in Amsterdam finds a mysterious book in her diplomat father's library. The book is ancient, blank except for a sinister woodcut of a dragon and the word "Drakulya," but it's the letters tucked inside, dated 1930 and addressed to "My dear and unfortunate successor," that really pique her curiosity. Her widowed father, Paul, reluctantly provides pieces of a chilling story; it seems this ominous little book has a way of forcing itself on its owners, with terrifying results.
Paul's former adviser at Oxford, Professor Rossi, became obsessed with researching Dracula and was convinced that he remained alive. When Rossi disappeared, Paul continued his quest with the help of another scholar, Helen, who had her own reasons for seeking the truth. As Paul relates these stories to his daughter, she secretly begins her own research.
This is a lot of different kinds of novels - thriller, horror, historical fiction, suspense, mystery, but most importantly for me, an almost-epistolary novel. A novel that uses letters, notes, and other "primary documents" to tell its story.
It's a mystery about the final resting place of Vlad Tepes, the 15th century Wallachian prince known as Vlad the Impaler, or alternatively, Dracula. The characters come to believe, despite being incredibly rational and disbelieving historians, that vampires might be real. Or that at least Dracula is a real vampire intent on harming various scholars for some unknown reason. The curiosity of the historian is the force that moves this novel forward, even more than the disappearance of one of the characters early on, which is supposed to provide the emotional pull towards the topic of Dracula for the researchers. Normally, they wouldn't study Dracula as anything other than a dead political figure or folkloric fantasy. But you see, stuff starts happening.
The Historian is long (900 pages), but so full of what historians love that I enjoyed it and found the pacing to be just right. The characters explore the kinds of libraries and archives I have always wanted to explore. Original scrolls, parchments, illuminated manuscripts, all laid out for them by librarians throughout Europe. They leap-frog through time via letters, scholars notes, and excerpts from the original documents. Through these documents, they piece together the disturbing historical events that created the Dracula myth. His favored technique of torture was impalement, but he also skinned, roasted, and buried people alive. He once rid his principality of poverty and disease by inviting the poor and infirm to a dinner, then closing the doors and setting the building on fire. As much as the vampire is supposed to be the fearsome creature, other atrocities of that era and beyond are described as the true horror. Humans did, and still do, horrible things to each other.
The book had me by page 50, where the narrator's father, Paul, reminisces that even though his story is horrific, "writing a dissertation's the really grisly thing."
Vlad Tepes, enjoying a meal in full view of his impaled enemies. Apparently a favorite pastime of his.
This story allowed me to live out a fantasy for a few hundred pages. The fantasy I used to have about what it would be like to be a graduate student, what it would be like to be a college professor, what research is like. It was about giant sprawling libraries covered in ivy, where students would lay out their books and notes on heavy wooden tables that had been there for over a century. Spending all your time on your studies and as a result, being an expert on many things. About professors who know their students well, and ask about their lives, because everyone's life is the university and all things revolve around academia. About handling original documents and seeing how deep the pen left marks in parchment. About late night reading or conversations about a topic that interested you. About how it's normal to be anxious about your work and presenting it in front of others, but also that people are excited to learn about what you found. In The Historian, there was a sense of camaraderie, even amongst the scholars of different cultures and nationalities, all on the basis of love of historical research - the pursuit of knowledge.
It was not about faculty furlough days and campuses that look more like industrial parks than scholarly buildings. It was not about having to work a couple jobs while going to school, or having a full time teaching gig while trying to write your dissertation that pays less than $2k a month. It was not about crippling student loans, or the anxiety I feel when I look up department faculty webpages at universities I'd like to apply to and see that if I was hired, I'd be a quite lonely person of color there.
So it was a nice mental vacation, that, like most of my mental vacations, are really about the world I live in and not vacations at all. The end of the book (which I won't give away) reminded me of something I have to look forward to. Philadelphia, where colleges look like my fantasy colleges. But also where the Rosenbach Museum and Library houses Bram Stoker's notes on Dracula. I'd love to handle these things in my own little hands. It's now on my list of things to do when we move! Which means I'm still into research, still into learning, and an excitable girl. I'm all out of money, and almost out of energy, but not love, or at least not yet. Ask me again after next semester, another furlough semester....
Ah, the semester is about to begin. Time for back to school clothes. I'm making an effort to dress better this semester. Not better like nicer stuff, because I have always dressed professionally. What I mean is better in terms of being more interesting. Less Target (my go-to place for work clothes) and more stuff you just can't find anywhere. Plus, because the a/c and heat can be unpredictable all over campus, I'm gonna need to explore layering a bit more. I have a bunch of 3/4 sleeve shirts, sweaters, and cardigans. I have cute blouses and jackets. What I don't have are good t-shirts. I want to do the t-shirt under the blazer thing, like professors do on TV. The cool ones anyway. Ooh, or under a button up shirt. So 90s! I'm looking for hot or fun or super nerdy Ts. I do have a reputation to maintain. As an aside, I finally got my evaluations from last semester's courses. Mostly good stuff. A few "too much reading" and "midterm was hard" and one random "Go Lakers," but a lot of people happy with the class and my enthusiasm (read: nerdlove) for the topics. One student even wrote "I want to marry [sweet lady]." Rules! Anyway, gotta think about what to wear...
Here's a few Tees I found:
Tiger Tee Fierce statement for the workplace, but it can be subdued. I definitely wouldn't wear it tucked in to white parachute pants. WTF?
Wonder Woman Tee It's more subtle than the other ones I found with her face and body. I mean, I have her face and body on my arm. It's a bit much with the shirt, but remember, I'd be wearing it under something. I doubt the students will see my upper arm all semester.
Peace, Love, and Vampires! This is only available in mens sizes, but I tend to cut my t-shirts at the neck to make them all boat neck, so it would work.
Bringing back some X-Files love. Of course, I'd have to cut this one up so it's a little more femmy. Boatneck for sure, maybe cropped a bit.
Got any links to cute shirts? Not boring work clothing in general? Let me know!! I could use some!
Ok, so here are my recommendations for the 90s and 2000s, in no particular order:
King of New York Christopher Walken stars alongside Lawrence Fishburne and Welsey Snipes in this excellent film that fits nicely into the gangster sub-genre known as "return of the big shot." Last time I talked about Key Largo, one of the earliest in the genre. These are movies where a gangster who is past his prime and tries to come back and rise to the top again. In this movie, Frank White comes out of a 25 year sentence and finds his city falling apart due to the baseless morals of those that took his place (coincidentally, the Puerto Ricans, the "Asians" and the Italians). Yes, Frank WHITE comes to take the city back and put in place a gang operation centered around things like investing in hospitals. But Walken plays the character so well, you just gotta love his kooky movements and body language.
Also, two of the ruthless body guards in this movie are hot ladies.
New Jack City (1991) 1991 was a big year for African American filmmakers. More films featuring African American casts and directors came out that year than had during the entire Blaxploitation era. One of them was New Jack City, which took a lot stylistically from the classic gangster films of the past. Instead of rum running, gambling, or cocaine, this film focuses on crack cocaine. One thing I've noticed about films past 1980 is that they tend to give voice to the gangster's perspective in new ways. Before then, a lot of them got lectured by authority figures in the end or during conversations with the cops trying to bring them down. Now, we see a lot of gangsters talking about why they do what they do, the limited chocies they've had, and that they see themselves as no more ruthless or immoral than other businessmen.
Carlito's Way You gotta love anything with Carlos Guzman. He can play anything. ANYTHING. True, he does usually play Puerto Rican gangsters or Puerto Rican gay dudes. But give him Hamlet and he'd kill it, I bet.
Anyway, did you like Al Pacino as a cuban gangster? Well get ready for Pacino as a Puerto Rican gangster. Carlito Brigante gets out of prison and wants to stay on the right side of the law, but his past life keeps bringing him back in.
Pulp Fiction (1993) Finally, we're leaving New York for a minute. I saw this in high school, and was so into it I saw it 3 or 4 times in the theater! You're wondering if you should see it since it's been so long and maybe it isn't relevant. See it. It's set in Los Angeles. The story structure is interesting, the characters are fascinating, and I like the way it introduces the gangster in a different way. Sure, we see a mob boss type character for part of the film (a very disturbing part), but it's Jules and Vincent that steal the show for me here. Two gangsters with different world views, one of whom does something gangsters in these movies just doesn't really get to do: find a way out and some kind of redemption.
Reservoir Dogs (1991) Tarantino has a way with an LA story, and if he'd just not cast himself in every film (and thus annoy me to no end), he'd make far superior movies. This one is a great example of a postmodern gangster film, where the characters reference and understand the gangster genre and have conversations about all kinds of stuff, including the benefits of tipping, and the metaphorical meaning behind Madonna's "Like a Virgin."
Boyz N the Hood I'm obviously trying to represent for the west coast here. But hell, so many movies are about New York, it's nice to see an examination of Los Angeles gangs, especially during an era where Los Angeles gangs were spiraling out of control. It explores the pressures young men in inner cities deal with, and the cycle of violence that plagues communities that are allowed to decay by an uncaring system.
A good film, but a much more interesting examination of the period, it's history, and it's legacy is Stacy Peralta's documentary Crips and Bloods: Made in America.
American Gangster Did you not see this? It's good. Very good. Well, I have some problems with the ending, but it's nice to see Frank Lucas represented in the genre. Lucas gets pure heroin shipped into America during the Vietnam War era via military service planes in the coffins of dead soldiers. Yeah. I know. He sees himself as a community hero, as someone who takes care of a community (and his family) when no one else will. And there's this other stuff with Russel Crowe's character that I'm not into, but see it. Did you know that you can't just rub a stain on an alpaca rug, you have to blot? These are cleaning tips I needed to know.
The next three are Scorcese's contributions:
The Departed Even though Jack Nicholson is hammy and ridiculous, the story and the Damon/DiCaprio dynamic is excellent. Also, see the movie just for Mark Wahlberg's character. He's my personal hero after this. Well, the character is. The real Mark Wahlberg strikes me as kind of a douche. Like, he can't handle it when people refer to "Marky Mark." Dude, you made up that lame ass name! Also, his making fun of Andy Samberg's nose strikes me as quasi-nazi. Speaking of that:
Gets me every time.
Casino (1995) I don't know why this isn't my favorite movie. It's a gangster film based in Las Vegas. How is not? It may not be my fave, but it's up there for sure. Based on true events centered around the now (sadly) demolished Stardust casino, we get a birds eye view of how the mob functioned in Vegas. Excellent work by De Niro, of course, but I was really fascinated by Sharon Stone, who pulled out all the stops for her character. Scorcese is hit and miss when it comes to female characters, but I think hers was a nuanced, complex role worth seeing.
Gangs of New York (2002) Saved the best for last, right?
Gangs of New York is set in New York, but it's much earlier than any of the gangster films that came before it. We're talking during the Civil War era, when the city was dominated by mobs and political bosses. Lower Manhattan's "five points" area is at the center of another war, "natives" vs. immigrants. The Natives are led by Bill The Butcher Cutting, played by Daniel Day-Lewis. Amazing role. Lewis left his acting retirement for this role. And he wasn't like hanging out in Miami wondering what he was going to do without filmmaking. He was a cobbler in Italy. Dude just up and started a new life as a cobbler. And he said, damn, I have to play Bill the Butcher. You should see it just for that, but also for the history lesson, the story telling.
Even though it's about 19th century gangsters, it explores what all gangster films do, the limited resources and options available to the poorest people in the nation, and the short-term thinking that usually leads people to get so focused on their own problems that they fail to see how larger forces are shaping their lives. That, more than bad morals, ultimately leads to the gangster's downfall.
Ok, that's enough for now. I know, I missed a bunch of favorites, like Millers Crossing, and I left out films I thought were part of other genres but still contained gangster characters, like heist films (Oceans 11, The Italian Job, etc.). And don't even think to include West Side Story in here.
I got tired of the lil girl banner so I came up with something a bit more simple. And temporary. I have yet to find my defining image. Maybe I'm not brandable. Maybe that's a good thing.
I am in a better place, so hopefully, I'll have some nice things for you all on Friday. It's been hectic with the grading and the student emails. Tomorrow I begin one of my favorite sections of my course: gangster films and the American Dream. I went to DVD Planet today and got a bunch of great films. A whole set of classic gangster films with a documentary about the golden era of gangster films. Very cool, very informative, and useful. I haven't seen any of the films in the set, either, so I'm looking forward to that. I got another boxed set of pre-code Hollywood films. Before 1934, the film industry had no governor. No ratings system. There were very racy films, films that dealt with dark themes. I can't wait for the next rainy day to watch them.
I also got another copy of Goodfellas. It's my favorite film, so no surprise the DVD I already have has been put through its paces. It's also ancient. Seriously, you have to turn it over in the middle of the film to finish the story. This new DVD is the criterion collection, which I hope doesn't have a "Side B."
Not a bad haul, and all of it tax deductable! Sweet!
Doing all this writing has got me thinking. What if I get the degree and am still an adjunct for a long time? What If I'm stuck here forever, waiting every semester to find out if I have a job in three months? To find out if I have health care in three months? Making my salary now at 35 or 40. I don't know if I can handle that.
Some quotes from Burt-Out Adjunct, fellow blogger and adjunct faculty that sum up the experience and what to do about it:
"If you are an adjunct, you need to treat it like playing in a garage band: you need a well-paying day job in order to indulge your passion."
"Institutions have melted (I hate to say evolve here) into the current position because it pays the best for them. Farm out the overflow or the inconsistently enrolled to contingent [aka adjunct] faculty, freeing up the tenured to pursue their passions. If you are one of the few Chosen Ones, then feel complacent and safe–which I know you do–knowing that you need not worry too much except for a system-wide implosion (see California right now)."
Great, btw, I am in California.
"You are the expendable, the booty-call of the University hook-up system. You are the lover on the side, and when stresses arise, people will adhere to the family structure.
So, play to your passion, but ensure a more secure revenue stream–your family will appreciate it."
I was just talking about this last night, though the "booty call" metaphor is so ridiculously perfect and much better than how I phrased it. Sigh....
I'm doing good work here folks, I just hope it's put to good use someday.
So I have been grading like a fiend. It's that time, when all the papers are turned in and the Final Study Guide gets created. I love this time, but it is super hectic. I finally know my students names, we've gotten to the point where we can all joke together in class. Yesterday I was freaking out because I had lost the printed out copy (the only remaining copy) of a lecture I haven't had the time to re-type. I had lost the digital file somehow, but I've shuffled this lecture semester to semester. And now, it's lost! I was so busy finishing with grading that I didn't even let myself get too pissed about it. I just jotted down what I remembered in bullet form and took a one page sheet of notes to class. Can you believe I had a good time? Me!? Overly prepared, meticulous me went in with one page of bullet points. I had the shit down, too, with just the right timing. Very rewarding. Today was also my Evaluations day, and I always get nervous when giving Evals because this is their chance to complain about me. But a couple of students came out and asked me what else I was teaching next semester and how they enjoyed my class! Such a mood lifter!
I have been watching/rewatching good flicks lately. What We Do Is Secret, about the Germs was worth buying on DVD, if you are into LA punk and the Masque and all that late 70s early 80s beautiful uglyness. I thought the actors did a good job, and it had Tina Marjorino (from Napoleon Dynamite and Veronica Mars), whom I love, as Pat Smear's gal. Her character has a gem of a scenen in which she refuses to pay a cover charge at the Masque. Watch it.
I rewatched Juno for the third time. I heart that movie. So pretty and messed up and amazing. I have a soft spot for Diablo Cody. She rules. Mott the Hoople was a favorite of mine in high school, and it is always nice to see and hear All the Young Dudes given some kind of emotional place in a person's story. Did you know that hamburger phone sales have tripled since the movie? That's a made up statistic, but I bet if you asked somone in the know, they would totally agree.
Last night, while I was grading, M. and I had Metal: A Headbanger's Journey, the documentary of metal music by Anthroplogist and metal head Sam Dunn, on in the background. What a great documentary. I may use it next year in my section on music. The Metal Genealogy Chart alone is worth the viewing. But really the best part is the interviews with the Norwegian black metal guys who totally support burning churches and are interviewed in dark chambers while sipping wine from fancy goblets! Like, these are serious satanists people! According to Wiki's entry on Norwegian black metal, they popularized corpsepaint. Yeah, go check the link. It's a thing.
Anyway, what I found interesting in the documentary is that bands like Venom really scared people: Not too scary in retrospect, but apparently they were like "oooh the devil"
My generation is supposed to be shocked by Marilyn Manson, but I never really was: I always found Twiggy and Marilyn kinda endearing. You know, like, "Aww, you are such a scawy widdle guy! Yes you are!" Maybe it's because of the inherent nerdiness that lies in the heart of the goth. Especially the kind that wears makeup. I mean, if you have a powder puff in your bathroom, you just aren't evil enough, dude. Sorry.
Not sure if I'm scared of Norwegian black metal guys. I probably should be. But M. and I agree that this...
...is actually kind of nightmarish. Kids from Iowa with leatherface masks actually make me kind of wonder if I should give out Ds and Fs at all.
I think I'm on a post-cold high, because I had such a great day today. Ever have one of those days where things just work? I had an awesome outfit (grey slacks with an eggplant colored top from the Gap and high heeled black shoes), my hair was tame and sleek like I like, and I had a killer lecture to give on hip-hop, which everyone was into talking about. When the alarm went off this morning, I thought, 'how can I make it so I work from home and only after 10am?' But when I started teaching at 8:30, I got into a groove and really enjoyed having something fun to do during the day. My week in bed was what I needed to recharge, I guess. Or maybe it was because True Blood was sooo good last night. New additions to vampire lore (sleeping in the ground with your maker on your first night magically makes you a vampire), plus great acting all around.
Michelle Forbes as the Maenad is an amazing casting choice. Oh, you don't know who Michelle Forbes is? Well here's a reminder: Yeah, Ro Laren! My favorite Bajoran ice princess. My nerdy worlds are colliding.
After I got home today I made a tasty dinner. Chicken shawarma and felafel pita. My chicken shawarma recipe is as follows:
Cut chicken breast tenders into two strips. I used half of a package of chicken tenders. Chicken tenders are already small, but by cutting them in half, you get perfect sized pieces for a pita and the marinade penetrates well.
Chicken Shawarma Marinade In a small tupperware container, mix together the following: 2 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil Juice of one lemon + grated lemond rind from one half of the lemon 1 tablespoon of yellow curry powder 1 garlic clove, crushed 1/4 tsp. salt 1/4 tsp. crushed pepper 1/4 of a medium sized onion, sliced
Marinate overnight, then fry them up in a pan or grill them.
Some cucumber, lettuce, tomato and hummus made up my fixin's.
I use ready-made felafel mix, but I'm thinking of trying home made, because the brand I bought wasn't so hot. Unless someone knows of good felafel mix (or a homemade recipe) you'd like to share??
I bought a ready-made rice mix at the last minute on my way home. It was a lentil rice mix that comes in one of those containers shaped kind of like Chinese take-out. I didn't like it too much. I think because it had coconut powder in it. I should have left it out. In fact, while cutting it open, I thought, "You don't like coconut in savory dishes. Why are you adding this?" But I did it anyway in respect for the recipe. I shouldn't have. Don't know what it is, but I don't like coconut in most savory dishes. I dislike coconut shrimp. I think the only time I have enjoyed anything remotely similar is the coconut milk used in some Thai soup recipes. But I love coconut sweet things. Mmmm..Almond Joy. Go figure?
To top it off, I made a tahini sauce of tahini paste, lemon juice, and garlic to spoon over everything.
My house still smells like curry! Yum.
To top off a great day, I usually enjoy an evening of semi-decent TV. Tonight's menu includes The Big Bang Theory and How I Met Your Mother. I gave up on Heroes. I thought it would be a tough break up, because I'd watched every episode since the beginning. Yes, even the gruelling second season. I was even into the villains become heroes/heroes become villains idea that they were messing with in the early episodes of the season. But then some things made me unhappy. First of all, time travel stories (with severe inconsistencies) always make me unhappy, but I think what really killed it is Mohinder's spidery-ness coupled with Clare's severe stupidity. Oh, and almost every other character has been practically assassinated. Great first season, Heroes. But you got cut off three weeks ago from my TiVo for making me angry. Those are the breaks.
I finally finished with the grading at 11 pm last night (sheesh). It was not as bad as I had expected, but I think that was partially due to a miscalculation on my part early on that led me to think my whole class was getting Ds and Cs. Once I did the recalculation (yeah, of a whole class of exams), I started to feel like they were learning some things and I wasn't the worst teacher in the world.
My eyeballs were all bleary from constant reading, writing, and typing in test scores. The left eye confuses 3s and 8s, 5s and 6s. Took some getting used to. I am still tired.
I did have the occasional WTF moment while grading. I can kind of tell when students just take down information from my cryptic powerpoints without any real context, because they make connections that aren't there come exam time. I always get lengthy discussions of the corset when I ask about the Cult of True Womanhood because there is an image of the corset next to the words "Cult of True Womanhood" on the slide. A couple of students managed to memorize information off of the Wikipedia entry for "Culture Industry." I know this because they mentioned Max Horkheimer, whom I didn't even talk about. Typing in the sentence they wrote yielded Wikipedia as the very first result. Don't think I didn't mention it on their exams. If you can take the time to memorize Wikipedia, you can take the time to memorize your notes, right? It is especially lame if I tell you in advance not to go to the web for info on the questions, because I want them to show they understand class topics as we discussed them.
Whatevs. Not everyone wants and A in my class, and that's cool, but I'm not gonna let it slide to be the cool professor. I used to want to be cool professor, but she got treated like crap a lot of the time. A lot like "cool girlfriend." Do not even get me started on her.
Latest teaching-related pet peeves that "cool professor" used to let slide:
1) "Can I leave class early? I have a job interview/appointment/sorority event, etc.?"
"cool professor" said: "yeah, um, sure."
happy prof says: Asking permission makes it seems like I am not going to hold you responsible for what you miss when you leave. Or remember that you take off all the time. Just let me know you are leaving so as not to be rude and try not to let me know that you would rather be somewhere else.
2) "I was absent yesterday. Did I miss anything important? Can I have the notes? Do we have an assignment for next time?"
"cool professor" said: "come by my office hour and we'll go over it."
Happy prof says: A- you missed my class, which I consider kind of important. I bust my ass trying to make it interesting and worthwhile. Not a great way to make me remember you. B- If I just gave out my lecture notes I wouldn't even have to show up. I'd just post them and we'd do this whole thing via the internet. Or I'd write a book and make you buy it and take a test. In other words. NO. and C, well the assignment thing is the only appropriate question to ask.
3) "I'm going to miss our discussion of rap music, but it's because I'm going to the Kanye West show, so it's still relevant." or even better, "..but I know a lot about rap music, so I should be fine."
"cool professor" said : "what kind of seats did you get?" "Ok see you next time."
Happy prof says: Why would you even tell someone this? Now I know you are blowing off my class, and you manage to insult me by indicating that my class will be about as enlightening and thought provoking as your 10 years of reading liner notes and magazines. Just tell me you were sick and I'll feel sorry for you. Jeezy Creezy.
Just a few mid-semester moments on the brain.
Today we discussed gangster films, probably my favorite subject to teach. Everyone seems to like the assignment (watch a film, explain how it attempts to discuss the American Dream), they like watching the clips in class of films and documentaries (Cocaine Cowboys gets them every time!). I think they are also surprised to learn that I actually like these movies. It always amazes me how young white kids from Orange County seem to know a lot about the gangster ethos.
This was on last night. I can't believe how long The Great Pumpkin has lasted! I couldn't really watch, but knowing it was on made me kind of nostalgic. Check out this piece of Halloween from years past:
I'm the one in the middle. And this was about 1987-88. I was so lumberjack grunge girl before it was even cool!
Shhh....don't be too loud. I am giving a midterm right now. Here's a little secret: when professors give midterms, they have a "free period" in which they can do pretty much nothing. I always bring my laptop and a bunch of work to do. Today, since the whole day is full of midterms, I am savoring the morning by surfing the web, blogging, sipping my iced mocha. Have I mentioned that I heart midterm day?
The tension in the room on midterm day is palpable. Students are anxious and buzzing before the exam starts, and I always have to quiet them down to get started. By the end of the class period, those who are left are furiously writing, hoping their last few thoughts will get to paper. Oh I never liked that feeling. Ever. Test taking was so nerve wracking. And the last exam I took, the comprehensive PhD exam, probably took about 4 years off my life. I had to write three essays in 9 hours (over two days). I didn't know which prompt I would be writing on until I got there. I had no notes or books. My book list was about 90 books and articles. And on top of that I got to take an oral exam three weeks later which required me to clarify what I had written. And my memory of what I had written was pretty much a blur. I remember that I had spent so much time writing and reading before the exam (did I mention I was teaching a full load of classes at the same time?) that I had to wear readers, those farsighted glasses you can buy at the grocery store. I couldn't see up close and I couldn't see far away!
I used to think exams were exercises in power. A way for a professor to try to trip you up, make you fail, scare you into thinking you weren't smart enough to be in the class. Bad tests and bad professors probably do think of it this way. I always thought that it was unjust to have to endure such punishment for just wanting to learn. But I know a little bit more about teaching now. And I get why professors want you to be able to have a kind of recall of the concepts discussed in class. It means you've learned, you've cared, and you can say you know something about the subject when you leave the course. If you get an A in my class, you should be able to talk to people about some of what you've learned without needing notes. It means you've taken responsibility for your own education. The courses I teach are often thought of as fluff, and I'd hate for people to leave them thinking they know something about the theories and methods of popular culture or television because they could name an episode of The Simpsons.
That being said, the GRE is a load of malarkey. I refuse to believe that exam tests for anything other than whether or not you paid Kaplan the $1500 to learn how to take the test.
In other news, the last episode of True Blood was so moving. Alan Ball has a way with depicting grief and loss.
And if you watched The Big Bang Theory, how amazing was Sheldon's "fake smile"? I laughed out loud in my kitchen all alone (I had to watch it online since my DVR failed me on Monday night).
Also, I am getting tattoo fever again. So pretty. So expensive.
Well hell, I've been kinda busy lately. Sorry for my absence. I did do a couple double-posts though. You forgive me, right?
I'm giving midterms this week. Somehow, in a "lack of interest" haze that plagued me just before the semester began, I didn't schedule things like I'd planned and all of my classes are having their exams in the same week. I imagine it's for the best, since I tend to procrastinate with grading anyway. I didn't fully realize the amount of grading though. I have a lot of students. Now I have to do it all at once. This is what this weekend will look like: I was busy this weekend starting up my website. I decided to purchase a domain and have a place online for my professional information, as well as a place to put information for students that isn't Blackboard. I kind of hate Blackboard (the online course software my university uses). It looks like a website that was designed in 1995. My website is going to have an awesome comic book style theme. I found all of these great free comic book style fontshere. Get some yourself! Learning web design is tough, but rewarding. I like the creative aspect. When the site goes live, I will definitely post my link here. For now, as a taste of things to come, enjoy my home-made comic of myself! I took some artistic liberties.... Oh yeah, you should become one of my peeps! If you notice at the top right, there is a list of people who follow this blog. Right now there's nobody there and that makes Sweet Lady sad. If nobody signs up, expect a long rambly low self-esteem entry in the near future.
My Wednesday Internal Monologue in Hourly Installments:
6:00am - Alarm!/Groan-So early. It's dark out!
7:00am - Should I get coffee on the way to work or wait until I get there and then get it? If I get it now, I might actually have time to drink it. But if I get it there, I won't run the risk of being late again like on Monday when I had to wait in that monster line and then there was traffic. Ooops, passed the drive-thru coffee house anyway. Looks like I'm getting it at work. Damn.
8:00am - Stupid traffic. I should be relaxing right now before class instead of hustling. I should print a handout for this morning's screening, but I hate having to go print all the time in the department office. I feel like I'm ruining their early morning "serenity" time in the office, before everyone gets there and is all demanding. I remember what that was like. "Where's the toner?" "Can you make sure this is copied today?" "I was hoping you could make sure I have that one shelf fixed in my office..blah blah." It isn't even 8am lady! Write me an e-mail or something. I'm barely alive!
Screw it, the students can just copy it off the board.
9:00am - lecture lecture lecture
10:00am - lecture lecture lecture
11:00am - lecture lecture lecture ... only fifteen minutes until I can get a coffee or a coke or something. I hate when I forget to do that. Now I'm going to get a monster headache.
12:00pm - Ah..hello tasty deli sandwich. I love you so much more than that stupid Carls Jr. burger that I ate on Monday. I hate Carls Jr. It is the epitome of corporate evil, what with their gross out dude festival commercials and links to pro-life organizations. Why did I even eat that on Monday? Oh yeah, greasy + fried + cramps = heaven. I am a bad person. I don't deserve you cute tuna on wheat!
1:00pm - Lecture lecture lecture... This is the third time I'm saying the same shit today. I am bored with my own damn self. Take notes on how I'm phoning it in at this point. Put it in the margins next to the doodles.
2:00pm - lecture lecture lecture ... only 15 more minutes and I'm done with this topic already. Geez. I forgot to refill my water bottle and now I've got cotton mouth. And I really want some mini reeses peanut butter cups like NOW.
3:00pm - Screening of CSI in my TV class. So nice to be sitting. So nice to not be talking.
4:00pm - Ok, it's 100 degrees according to my car's thermometer. That's ridiculous. It is October 1st. I want fall! Come on AC, crank up!
5:00pm - Hey, Radley was really good today... no mistakes or messes or even a pillow out of place...uh oh..well, I guess it wasn't really important mail that was torn to shreds. Is that my underwear in the hallway?
6:00pm - Tired. Bed. Portable AC on full blast. Computer. Maybe a nap before I watch Bones later?
Today is my "day off" or as I like to call it, my "day where I do everything I was supposed to do last week." I usually do some research and writing in the early am, then take a break and go back to work on teaching stuff in the afternoon. I had a ton of assignments to grade, so I couldn't get much disseratation stuff done. I dread the midterms that are approaching, because 180 of them is kind of a lot. Anyway, I finished the grading and got to work on prepping for tomorrow's lectures. Then I got bored and realized that tomorrow is October 1st. The first day of my month-long celebration of Halloween.
I don't really do anything other than decorate, harass my friends into making plans for the 31st, and provide candy in a dish to anyone who visits, but this year I got really crafty for some reason. I have a big photo dump over on flickr for those interested in more than just these few pictures. The theme this year is skeletons and vampires. Vampires are big in pop culture lately what with the Twilight book series, True Blood, and all that jazz, so I figured I'd take all the pictures of people in my living room and turn them into vamps. Behold Joan Jett:
This classy wreath I made myself out of lime green silk flowers and plastic skeletons.
This I made with a little bit of black card stock, bat shaped ribbon, and double sided tape. This lamp isn't the best looking thing in my living room, but for one month out of the year, he is a beauty.
Oh, and I almost forgot. I applied to be a poll worker on election day! I hope I get selected to help out. I have never actually voted at a poll--I always do the absentee ballot thing because it is easier and my vote gets counted early--so it's a bit ironic (doncha think?), but I figure I don't work on Tuesdays, I speak Spanish, and I'd hate to see someone leave a poll because they can't figure it out or feel intimidated, especially in Long Beach where there are plenty of English-as-a-second-language folks. I would bake cupcakes and everything. You all are voting right?
I got up early, took the dog out, showered, put on work clothes and was in my office at the ungodly hour of 7:30 am. I am happy for the extra cash, but I think the four classes in one day deal may have an adverse effect on my ability to function, at least on Mondays and Wednesdays.
Schedule: 8:30-9:45 Class 1 10-11:15 Class 2 11:15-12 Lunch, Alone time, Errand time, what have you 12-1 Office hours 1-2:15 Class 3 (all three of these are the same class. I get to repeat myself!) 2:30-3:45 Class 4, in another building across campus. 4-5 Office hours
It's like super concentrated teaching. For some perspective, most full time tenured professors teach 2 classes and have a graduate student TA that does the grading.
On the plus side, I am on campus only two days a week. I get here before all the parking spots are taken, and did I mention my office rocks!? Today I brought a bunch of my books in and put up a big map. I am finishing up a lovely lunch of cup-o-noodle soup and goldfish crackers (salt bomb!) all here in my little square of campus real estate. Here's hoping I don't fall asleep before my next class in...uh oh, 5 minutes. Gotta go....
What you are looking at is my new faculty office. It might seem boring or uninteresting to you, but it totally made my day today. It's an office I share with only one other person who isn't even on campus when I am scheduled to be teaching. Not a cubicle, not a desk in a room full of other desks, but an office with a door that locks and a window. It's freshly painted and has a new desk and a big file cabinet. A matching bookcase that's completely empty is hanging out in there too. I couldn't believe my eyes.
I have been working in a cubicle den for about a year and a half. In a large grey room sat about 10 grey cubicles. Each one was shared between 3-4 faculty. I liked it because I got to work in close proximity to friends, but it was starting to wear on me. You got maybe a locked upper cabinet if you were lucky. And even then, if you came to work on a day you weren't scheduled for office hours you could walk into a completely full room, thus requiring you work in one of the study carrels in the Library. When you did get your cube to yourself, if a student stopped by, everyone in the room could hear the conversation. I had the pleasure of "overhearing" crying students, overly familiar students, asshole students. One student actually told a colleague of mine "So you teach the pop culture course? Do you like, watch TV all day?" Yes, we watch TV all day. I was too professional at the time, but I really wanted to show him my PhD reading list and then ask my colleague to give him a pop quiz right there just for being an ass. The big office was shared between American Studies, Liberal Studies and some other department.
A couple of my office mates were total douchebag professors who made their students feel like shit all the time. One even required each student to come in for one-on-one meetings wherein he would continue to lecture (very loudly). He even talked down to other professors. I think maybe he reserved it for the women in the office, though. Once when the fire alarm went off he jumped to his feet and walked out the door. I was finishing up an email and apparently not running fast enough for him because he told me "time to get out of here, there's a fire alarm." Thanks Dad. I stayed in there for five more minutes. I may have burned up in a fire, but he was not going to be telling me what to do. Now I don't have to share airspace with him for at least one semester. Glorious!
This is my view. Won't you come by if you are on campus Mondays and Wednesdays? It's UH-217.
I know. It is summer. Leaves have yet to fall, and still...I am already thinking of Halloween. It is hands down my favorite of all holidays. I went to the mall yesterday and Halloween stuff is out already. I am not sorry to say that I got totally excited. I got two Halloween votives (one with a raven theme and the other with a skeleton theme) from Illuminations, which actually had really cool stuff for a boring candle store. Their website sucks, so I'm not even going to link it, but you should go in if there is one anywhere near you. I found these awesome laser cut cupcake and cake wrappers at FancyFlours.com . You aren't supposed to bake them, they go on after baking as yet another step in the decorating process. It makes sense, considering that when you bake cupcakes, the liner's design pretty much gets lost. I was so sad to see that my Snoopy cucpcake liners were just plain looking after baking. I've been getting into the Dia de los Muertos imagery lately. I am going to try to make my own retablo, which is basically a diorama with a festive skeleton scene inside (see examples below).
I am thinking for mine it will be a family portrait of sorts. Maybe M. and I with the pets, or if I get good at it, our siblings and parents as well! Nobody in my family will think it's cool, but I am excited to try. I'm going to get clay and fabric today for sure. This is one project that may take a while, though. Maybe around Halloween I will tell you spooky stories of the real live haunted house I lived in for five years with my family.
I am thinking ahead in a more constructive way as well. Today is my catch-up day. I have syllabi to put together, an article packet to create, and bills to sort. I want the semester locked up tight by the end of the week. Students will be e-mailing about things by Monday, and I don't want to look like last-minute Larry.
Students were e-mailing me in July. I tried to be cool about it, but damn, I do not need to be thinking about the semester in the middle of July. Give me a friggin' break. I know it seems like those who teach have it easy with all the summer off stuff, but let me tell you, it is a physically and mentally draining job (and I teach college, I can't imagine teaching elementary/junior high/high school). I prepare like hell for each class and think hard about the skills I am trying to foster week to week. At the end of a day of teaching I am pretty beat. My course is actually very methodically put together. By the end of the spring semester, I start to get really down on the laissez-faire attitude of students and all of the excuses. I need that break so that contempt doesn't start to mess with my ability to relate to people in a normal way. That being said, even though I am way into summer break, I am actually looking forward to work, which is what the break is all about.
